One More Day
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: ECLARE; Will a shocking occurence cause Clare to do some reflecting or will it only push her further away from her true feelings?


**Hi lovely readers, **

**Surprise! I wrote something…it's a little different but I believe that if you have read my stories before you know what type of ending is the only one that I find acceptable. **

**This is also my good-bye to Fanfiction for a while (at least a month) because school and such is starting, you understand. **

**Now or Never depressed me. I'd say they shouldn't even get together at this point. There are still a few ways that I think it would be acceptable for it to happen, but if it ain't gonna happen I wish they'd just stop dangling us along just to get a rise out of us, you know? Like, if there's no EClare, please, let them have different plotlines now. Enough torture. I feel we have been put through enough now. **

**Anyway, I wrote this because I NEED TO believe in Clare. I NEED TO believe she will wake up. The fact that I say that might make you hate me, but I do think I need a show of faith from her in order to support her back with Eli.**

**What might you expect from this story? A very dramatic incident. **

**This story is dedicated to my good friend iloveeliandclare because she is just so encouraging. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. This story was born of me listening to the song 'One More Day' by Diamond Rio late one night. **

"Hey – you got this. If you need to talk you know where to find me," Eli Goldsworthy said to a very hesitant and gloomy-looking Fiona Coyne as they walked up the front stairs of Degrassi on the first day of the new school year.

While Eli's blue shirt was new to him, Fiona loathed the color – she knew it did nothing for her eyes – and the girl was already counting down the remaining days until the end of the school year. Fiona really didn't know how she would make it through without Holly J and her other friends – but she was infinitely grateful for the fact that Eli…seemed to be very perceptive of this. She was glad the boy who she had bonded with over the chaotic experience of putting _Love Roulette _together last year was one year younger than her – this way she still had one friend left at Degrassi. Fiona knew Eli simply understood her on a level that few other people in her life did, and she appreciated how thoughtful he was.

She knew that Eli would never be appropriate company for mani/pedi trips and shopping adventures on Queen's Street – he would find this akin to torture - but Fiona could tell that he was trying and she greatly appreciated it. After all, she knew how hard last year had been for Eli…and just as that thought crossed her mind, she studied the distracted look on Eli's face and followed his gaze to…a red shiny truck, of course. She wasn't surprised to see Clare Edwards and Jake Martin come out of it laughing over something together – but the whole thing between those two still struck Fiona as rather odd. Eli had told her about how their parents had gotten married and Fiona found the entire situation much too Utah-like for her taste, and she really had no interest in the affairs of either Jake nor Clare…although it was clear that Eli still had feelings for the girl, another thing that Fiona found rather difficult to grasp.

Eli had plainly told Fiona that he probably would always love Clare, but that she didn't feel the same way so he had to let her go – and while Fiona had outwardly smiled at the romantic writer stereotype that Eli met spot-on, she couldn't help but be a little sad for him. Fiona herself was all too familiar with how it felt to be in that position, and…it was the worst feeling in the world in the girl's mind. To feel…unloveable. Eli's quick move of his gaze and reassuring smirk did nothing to fool her, and Fiona at times felt like shaking him soundly and telling him that Clare really wasn't all that great, that she had a tendency to throw child-like tantrums – Fiona had gotten so frustrated with her during the play that she had just simply thrown her out one time – and that Eli…could do better. And Fiona hoped he would, and that he would do so soon. Therapy had taught her that dwelling on the negative was not healthy, and she feared that Eli just spent too much time thinking about his past mistakes, especially when it came to Clare.

"Thanks, Eli," she quickly replied, and Eli shot her a quick smirk in response as they both headed in the direction of their first class. After the end of _Love Roulette, _Mrs. Dawes had asked Fiona to sign up for her Advanced English Grade 12 class, and Fiona had hesitated quite a bit – just because she was a good director, that was no guarantee that she would be a strong English student. However, Mrs. Dawes had managed to convince Fiona, and it had helped the matter a bit that Fiona knew that Eli would be in the class as well – so that would be one class down in which she wouldn't be completely alone. She had a friend in Eli.

And as students were slowly dissipating to their classes, just behind Eli and Fiona…Clare Edwards also tightly clutched the strap of her purse…well aware of who was walking in front of her. She wasn't used to seeing him in a blue shirt, and…in that moment, her mind betrayed her and she allowed herself to think about the fact that…someone else would have his locker and sit in this usual spot in the cafeteria when she would return for her own grade twelve year. However, she quickly shrugged that thought aside – for many months now, Clare had engaged in a process of…moving on, as she chose to term it. But what it could more accurately be termed would be…denying reality. Clare didn't want to think about how she had been rather awful to Eli over the semester before the summer, blindly coming to think of him at his worst whenever doubt crept into her mind. Alli's comments only encouraged her, and now that the two girls didn't spend quite as much time together as they used to, Clare's mind had to work over time. And when she allowed to think of the possibility that Alli had been wrong – she had proven herself to not be the most loyal friend over the summer, after all – Clare just quickly shook her head and chased such a possibility out of her mind.

The truth of the matter – one that Eli would be the last person able to see by Clare's behaviour – was that Clare had managed to work herself into such a state of delusion that it would take something of an apocalyptic magnitude in order for her to snap out of it and come back down to Earth. But had Clare known what that would be ahead of time, she would have immediately forced herself to analyze the situation at face value. She would have forced herself to do anything necessary to prevent such an event from happening.

If only she had known. If only _anyone_ had known.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Mrs. Dawes was listening to the blue eyed girl in front of her passionately object the 'C' letter grade she had been assigned, but she was not impressed. What she was doing was not the presentation of a logical or coherent or well-presented argument, it was…a rather immature tantrum, so Mrs. Dawes waved her hand in a dismissive gesture and said,

"Miss Edwards – my letter grade stands, as do my reasons for why you were assigned it in the first place," as she gathered her papers and placed them in her purse; she needed to be at Art Club and Clare was delaying her.

"I wrote about journalistic integrity – I used examples from all of the articles I wrote last semester –"Clare began again, only to be interrupted by Mrs. Dawes again. The teacher's patience was growing thin.

"And the assignment was to tell me about something that upsets you – journalistic integrity is a great thing to aspire to, Clare, but I hardly believe it is what _defines you_. You were supposed to write about something that…say - if you could change one thing in the world – what would be? Something along those lines," and she sighed as she continued, "Clare…we have been over this before. Your writing for this piece, it didn't tell me anything about who you are".

"But _you know_ who I am! Why do you insist on recycling this assignment at the start of every school year?" Clare bitterly shot, angry at Mrs. Dawes for reminding her of…_him_.

"Well, thank you for the teaching advice, Miss Edwards, after twenty years of teaching, it is most welcome," Mrs. Dawes said poignantly as Clare bit her lip in remorse. "And if you are finished, perhaps the best course of action is for you to just accept this letter grade and try harder on the next assignment," an offended Mrs. Dawes continued as she rose from her desk and began walking to the door. "Maybe Mr. Torres can help you, he is your partner after all," the teacher added.

"Well, maybe I need a different partner – Adam looked over this before I handed it in, and said it was perfect," Clare quickly retorted.

And _that_ particular comment caused Mrs. Dawes to stop walking and turn around so she could look Clare in the eye. Mrs. Dawes immediately understood what Clare was suggesting, and…she disapproved at once. She had been the teacher supervising Eli's play after all, and her lack of help towards Eli was something she would never be able to forgive herself for. Only when she saw Eli's live monologue had she realized…she should have been there for him a long, long time ago – if she had interpreted _Stalker/Angel_ as a cry for help, Eli's play was a piercing scream from a mountain top…that no one had listened to.

Mrs. Dawes knew that in the end, the exercise had indeed turned out to function as writer's catharsis for Eli, but….the road there had been long and hard, and paved with disappointment, frustration, loneliness, and desperation. She had clapped for Eli because his words had indeed functioned appropriately within the context of the play – how could they not, when the lines of reality and fiction were so blurred in his creation – and because she knew that everyone else would follow her lead and the play would be a success in such a fashion. In that split second, Mrs. Dawes had realized that if Eli's play were to have bombed, it would have completely ruined him…and he was already so devastated and…empty inside, that much she had realized. Mrs. Dawes had been relieved to hear from Mr. Simpson that Eli would be away for a bit after the play as he was doing some family therapy – she realized that Eli's parents must have seen how much he was suffering.

But…this – what Clare was suggesting, Mrs. Dawes knew she could never approve. Not when Eli had worked so hard on getting stronger on his own. Sure, maybe a partnership would prove to be good for Eli if he could regain a semblance of friendship with Clare, but…as she looked at the cold glare in Clare's eyes, she realized Clare wasn't suggesting this for Eli's benefit, but for her own. And Mrs. Dawes had come to be fiercely protective of Eli after she had seen his suffering clearly, and this…_this_ had the potential to destroy him all over again. Mrs. Dawes had noticed a change in Clare since the last time she had taught the girl, one that she saw all too many girls in high school undergo…and it was not a positive one. Mrs. Dawes was…disappointed, because Clare's new attitude had now persisted for so long that the teacher knew that it wasn't a phase…it was a…character change. So her final answer was,

"No, Clare. The partner you have is perfectly suited to your style. Partners have been assigned for the length of the semester and they are to stay that way," an answer to which Clare just exhaled incredulously.

"I see," was all that Clare replied before she could no longer abstain herself and she bitterly added, "And Eli and Fiona are…let me guess, plotting their next story about Clara as we speak".

Mrs. Dawes shook her head at Clare, however, and told her, "I don't think so, Miss Edwards. I believe that story has come to an end. Eli's finished writing that particular tale," not adding that Eli and Fiona's partnership was the one that she was looking forward to the most for the semester. The two were a dream team, and Mrs. Dawes knew that Fiona was logically nervous about being in the advanced grade twelve class, and Eli's experience and friendship would help the girl.

And Clare's reaction was exactly what Mrs. Dawes expected. She looked…mad that Eli had dared to move on and write a different story. And in that moment, Mrs. Dawes wondered just how Clare Edwards could change so much from the girl that she had known. It was not bad enough that she never seemed to care about Eli's well-being, but it was as if…she almost wanted him to stay stuck in the past…suffering…over her.

Mrs. Dawes was glad Eli at least seemed to no longer be so tortured over Clare. But she couldn't help but wonder his current feelings for her and wonder why…Eli was not mad at Clare. These days, Eli seemed to be very at peace with everything that had happened, and…only blaming himself. Mrs. Dawes didn't know the details of their break-up, but she had spent a semester observing Clare and she knew that the upcoming semester would be the first in which they would share a class since her grade eleven class last year. And she wondered what Eli's writing would reveal – because Mrs. Dawes couldn't help but feel that Eli _should_ stop his interactions with Clare. The girl seemed very keen on a destructive mission in which Eli should not dare to forget about her, but also should not dare to think about her.

In all of these confusing messages, Mrs. Dawes only knew one thing. Nothing could make her match Eli Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards as partners. Eli deserved his peace now, and Fiona Coyne deserved his help and guidance. Eli didn't deserve the enigma that Clare had become recently, and Mrs. Dawes would be the one to help him this time. She had, after all, brutally failed the boy in the past.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Class, it's such a beautiful day outside – why don't we take our work out there and we can just do presentations in the sun? Won't be long before it's gone for good and replaced by Toronto snow," Mrs. Dawes told her students, a suggestion that was met with many cheers and enthusiastic nods.

A month had gone by since the start of the school year, and Mrs. Dawes absolutely loved her grade 12 Advanced English students; it was her favourite hour of the day, every day. Her instincts about particular partnerships had proven to be correct; Eli and Fiona were her star partnership, and Mrs. Dawes could see how much Fiona's self-esteem had benefited from the fact that she was doing so well in this class. Mrs. Dawes had noticed Eli and Clare politely greet each other some days, but their interactions never went any further than that. The same was true of any interactions the two had in the hallway; Eli didn't attempt to ignore Clare, but he didn't think that Clare enjoyed his presence, so he quickly retreated to other spaces. Eli shared two of his other classes with Jake, and he didn't make any efforts at further interaction with him either – Jake was never one for chatting anyway, so their conversations were never more than a few words.

Eli wondered how Clare was adjusting to having Jake as a brother, how she felt to be living with him, and he wondered if she still had feelings for him. Because during the school's summer cabin trip, it was clear that she did still have some residual feelings for Jake, a piece of information that only worked to further convince Eli that Clare had never really loved him – she never seemed to have those types of feelings for him. She had moved on with Jake faster than a rolling tear in Eli's opinion, and she loved Jake like she never loved him in Eli's view. Eli believed Jake made Clare happy; something that he had fought so hard to do, but no matter what he did…it just never seemed to be quite good enough. All Eli had ever wanted to do was make Clare happy and keep her safe when Fitz was around, but he only seemed to fail more the harder he tried. And even if Eli was feeling like he was in a good place these days, it still all…killed him inside. Sure, with the help of his kind therapist he had come to terms with the past, but it was still a past that he regretted. It was still a burden that Eli knew he would carry with him for the rest of his life, but now…he had learned how to not let that burden completely weigh him down.

Eli reasoned that he owed it to himself and to his parents and to everyone who had helped him to make an effort. Eli never wanted to get lost again; he almost couldn't believe what he had managed to become. He knew that neither Julia nor his fourteen year old self would recognize him in those times; they wouldn't even be able to pick him out a police line-up – that's how unrecognizable he had become during his darkness. But he had fought his way out of that stormy cloud head first, and he was trying to stay afloat. He had his writing and reading, and schoolwork, and contests that Mrs. Dawes had submitted him to – a writer's festival was coming up – and he had also gotten a job at his dad's radio station. Eli desperately wanted to have a car again, and he knew it would take many minimum wage paycheques to make such a thing happen – he had saved up quite a bit during the summer, but there was a black Lincoln in a used sales car store nearby that had caught his eye. Eli had calculated that if he worked ten hours per week until Christmas, the Lincoln could be his, and he desperately wanted to make that dream a reality.

He snapped out of his daydreams when he felt Fiona tugging on his sleeve, and she narrowed her eyes at him as she said,

"Earth to Eli, come on, let's go," and Eli shot her a quick smirk as he grabbed his books and followed everyone outside, making a conscious effort to not look at Clare. She was just too pretty, and Eli knew that thought would dominate his mind if he snuck a glance at her. He reminded himself that if she caught him looking at her, that…hardness would overtake her entire body.

Eli thought Clare hated him; she seemed incredibly irritated by his presence, so Eli couldn't imagine the eye rolls and cold stares that he would get if he tried to talk to her. He had already received many more than he could stomach last semester, each one feeling a knife was being twisted in his heart. Clare loathed him, he thought…he was like…a pest to her. Something that couldn't be tolerated, he reflected as he felt Fiona playfully punch his shoulder. She was always good at snapping him out of these thoughts without him even having to articulate them out loud, and Eli was very grateful for that. Imogen Moreno was too – Eli had been so incredibly relieved that Imogen had managed to put aside the hurt that Eli knew he had caused and she had…given him another chance. She had given him another chance to be her friend, and the two found that they had a lot in common. Eli loved how Imogen never seemed to judge him, not even once, and she always said something that Eli knew wasn't true, but felt so…comforting to hear at the same time. Imogen was really perceptive. She could always pick up on Eli's emotions quite well, and whenever he sunk to a low in a weak moment, the girl would playfully share her head, causing her cinnamon buns or pigtails to shake ever so slightly as she flashed him an electric smile and said,

"Come on, Eli – aren't we _all_ bipolar? Don't we all get really happy and really sad at times? Besides, you and I both know that you already know how to not let the crazy get the best of you. You got this. There is no 'best of you' and 'worst of you' – you're a good guy all around".

Sometimes she would wink mischievously at him when other people were around and she couldn't say her reassuring slogan out loud, and…she just had a way of calming him down that Eli appreciated so much, especially when he knew that he didn't deserve her kindness after how horrible he had been to her. Imogen was the most forgiving person Eli had ever met, and he was glad that he was able to help her at least once. This particular instance had happened when Imogen had shyly asked Eli about Liam. Liam was a very nice boy that Eli had formed a friendship with after Eli had misplaced his iPod and Liam had been the one to find it and bring it to Eli, saying that he guessed that out of all the people in the school, only Eli would have such good taste in music, a comment which made Eli realize that Liam wasn't all that unknowledgeable about rock himself.

Since then, Liam had also met Adam and the boys spent lunches together in the radio room listening to different tracks. When Eli had tested the waters and invited Imogen to hang out with them as well, he had been able to tell that Liam did like Imogen quite a bit, but that he was a little shy to approach a girl as intimidating as Imogen, who was also one year older than him. Eli had talked to both of them very so slyly, but things were at a bit of a standstill and Eli was just trying to come up with a plan on how to get things to move along now. However, he was a little hesitant of making one of his trademark plans these days. The only plan of his that had ever worked was one which had resulted in Clare and Jake professing their love in front of Eli – which was along the lines of what he had wanted to achieve, but…nothing could have _quite_ prepared him for that moment. Eli could still feel the sweat on his forehead and the feel of his cool leather vest against his lips whenever the memory would return…it was just…too much, regardless of whether Clare and Jake had to break-up because of their parents or not.

The fact that their break-up was one of a necessity due to such outside forces was another thing that caused Eli to believe that…Clare wasn't exactly done with her feelings for Jake, and Eli wondered what the two of them would do inside their home when they were ever alone. But he quickly had to put an end to all such thoughts, because he could feel his hands get sweaty and the bile in his throat rise up, and…he wanted to be better than that. Eli knew he needed to heal, and he knew that his condition wasn't like the leg that he slowly watched heal…it was permanent; life-long, and it could always creep up on him even in moments when he felt the most balanced. Even when he felt happiness…Eli had to stop and think for a minute…if his happiness was normal, founded, and deserved. And that thought…felt like a bullet in his heart sometimes. He even had to question his own happiness, something that any teen shouldn't have to think twice about.

As the grade twelve class walked by another group of grade twelve students who were outside for P.E. under the supervision of Coach Armstrong, Eli and Fiona responded to Imogen's wave, while Clare glared in their direction and didn't wave to Katie Maitlin, who was the only other person in the class that Clare knew. Clare didn't really feel that Katie was her friend; she was more like…her boss. And Clare _definitely_ wouldn't wave to Imogen….the older girl had made her feelings towards Clare well known through cold glances and tiny scoffs whenever they did have to talk. Imogen absolutely loathed Clare, because even if she no longer had romantic feelings for Eli, Imogen could tell that Eli would never quite be over Clare. And Imogen hated that Eli let Clare have this degree of control over him.

Imogen blamed Clare for more things in Eli and Clare's relationship than Eli could ever know, and even more things that had happened over the past semester. In Imogen's view, it was Clare's fault that Eli's self-esteem had suffered such a major blow, it was her fault that he no longer had complete confidence in his writing, it was her fault that those distant looks would sometimes flash in his eyes, and it was her fault that Eli was…simply wounded. Imogen had never understood what was so great about Clare anyway, and their interaction over that past semester had only made her wonder that more. Eli had helped her and Liam develop their friendship and she knew that Eli would encourage a relationship between the two of them, and Imogen wanted to see Eli happy now too. She wanted to see Eli properly move on, and she knew that Eli could. It wouldn't just be a rebound relationship; if Eli could meet a nice and smart girl, then…he could start over fresh. With someone who appreciated him – something that Clare Edwards never had done, Imogen reflected. So she kept her eyes open, and told Liam to as well, because any girl would be lucky to have a boyfriend like Eli, Imogen thought. But she also no longer wanted to be that girl…she recognized her own mistakes and realized that her and Eli weren't meant to be. And…she was glad, because…if she had kept up her insistence, she never would have developed her friendship with Liam, a friendship that Imogen hoped would bloom into something more any day now.

Imogen's thoughts were however, interrupted by Mrs. Dawes' voice, asking Fiona to come up and read her latest piece. Clare could tell at once that Fiona was a little nervous, and she couldn't help but wonder what Fiona wrote about for this 'introspective piece' as Mrs. Dawes had described it. Clare realized that Eli's eyes had scanned Fiona's paper and…given her advice, suggestions, and helped her with re-writes. Clare knew that unlike the paper that she had produced….Fiona's would be…_good_. She had stolen glances at Fiona's marked assignments and she had noticed that Fiona constantly received Bs or A-s, while Clare's highest letter grade to date in the class had been a B.

In her stubbornness, Clare had bitterly told herself that this was because Mrs. Dawes seemed to hate her all of a sudden, probably because she had heard that Clare had hurt her precious Eli, something that Clare had yet to truly acknowledge that she had done. Whenever she did allow herself to think about Eli, Clare stubbornly told herself that…it had been _his_ fault. _He_ had made the relationship unmanageable and last semester, _he_ had crazily written that play that Clare had been most relieved to have over. Mrs. Dawes clearly had spent time with Eli during the play writing process and that was clearly why she hated her and gave her low marks. Her assignments were above par, Clare insisted – her sentence structure was varied and complex, her arguments were well researched and her grammatical structure was impeccable. What more could Mrs. Dawes possibly want?

And then…Fiona began reading her paper. And Clare realized what Fiona's writing had that hers didn't.

"My paper is called…'Showing Her'.

_He told her that he had a therapist too; and right away she didn't feel like such a freak. He told her that when under stress, he took medicine too; and right away she didn't feel so alone. And when she told him that she doesn't want to drink the strong white liquid, but the urge is just so hard to fight sometimes, he told her that…he understands. He told her to show him everything that is causing her sorrow. He said 'Let me see all of it. Don't hold anything back'. _And_ so, one by one, the thoughts and memories of sadness raised their hands, stood up to identify themselves. And she looked at each thought, at each unit of sorrow, and she acknowledged its existence and felt, without trying to protect herself from it, its pain. And then he told her to tell that sorrow, "It's OK. I love you. I accept you. Come into my heart now. It's over". He told then to say "Next?" and the next bit of grief surfaced. _

_She did this with every sorrowful thought she ever had – reaching back into years of memory – until nothing was left. Then he told her to say to her mind – "Show me your anger now". One by one, her life's every incident of anger rose and made itself known. Every injustice, every betrayal, every loss, every rage. This went on for hours, and she swung between these mighty poles of opposite feelings – and he said that that was okay, that he knows how that feels. She experienced the anger thoroughly for one bone-rattling moment, and then she experienced a total coolness, as the anger entered her heart as if through a door, laid down, curled up against its brothers and gave up fighting. _

_Then he led her through the most difficult part. "Show me your shame," he told her to tell herself. And, Dear God, the horrors that she saw then…a pitiful parade of all her failures, her lies, her selfishness, her jealousy, her arrogance. She didn't blink from any of it, though. And when all of it was finished, she was empty. Nothing was fighting in her mind anymore. She looked into her heart, at her own goodness, and she saw its capacity. She saw that her heart was not even nearly full; her heart could have easily received and forgiven even more. And so, he taught her something that she could not see. He taught her that she was…loveable_," Fiona's shaky voice finished, and Clare saw the look of pride on Eli's face as his green eyes scanned Fiona. And Clare couldn't help but remember…how Eli had guided her when she was having trouble with her writing…and her life.

"Wow. Now _that_ was really something, Mrs. Coyne," Mrs. Dawes softly said after the class' applause had quieted down.

Fiona shyly folded her paper in half and shuffled a little uncomfortably as she quietly said, "Eli helped me with it, a lot, he sort of….showed me the way," and Clare saw Mrs. Dawes give Eli a pleased smile as his cheeks gained a faint blush.

"That's great Fiona – that's what he's supposed to do as your writing partner," and Mrs. Dawes gave Eli's shoulder a little squeeze as he jumped a little at the contact.

"How about it Mr. Goldsworthy – let's see what's going on in that mind of yours – want to present next?" Mrs. Dawes asked and Eli gave her a small smirk as he said, "Sure".

"Wait a second Eli, I forgot my marking catalogue inside – it's right on my desk – the brown leather book - can you and Fiona just run inside and get it for me?" Mrs. Dawes asked, remembering Mr. Simpson's rule that students should travel in partners if not with their classes during class time.

"Of course," Eli said and Fiona stood up to join him as Mrs. Dawes asked Adam to read his piece while Eli and Fiona ran inside.

Clare was still reeling from Fiona's piece to pay attention to Adam's humourous paper – and she had already seen it, in her defence. She realized that Eli must have helped Fiona in a moment of crisis; Clare had heard rumours about Fiona re-entering rehab and she was well aware of Fiona's alcohol addiction problem since the days of her fling with Adam. But…what Eli had said to Fiona was incredibly mature, almost….professional advice. Clare realized that, in his characteristic fashion, Eli had used the knowledge that he had most likely gained from his own therapist to help his friend.

And in that moment, she realized just how much a true friend could help someone when they felt…lost.

And she wanted to…_talk to_ Eli. She had so much she wanted to say to her friend. She missed her friend. She missed Eli, and that thought scared her. She missed…someone she could talk to. _Really_ talk to. She wanted to tell Eli about how she felt her mom no longer was concerned when Clare seemed sad, about how she never could find anything to say to Glen despite the fact that Clare could tell that he was trying to bond with her somewhat, and about how she wished Jake would knock before coming into her room. About how…she felt lost these days. About how…she had tried to push the reset button so many times, but nothing seemed to work. And Clare resolved that she would try to talk to Eli, just after class. It would be lunchtime after English, and maybe Clare could…just talk to her friend.

However, Clare's thoughts were interrupted by the class' applause for Adam, and Mrs. Dawes' comment about how it sure was taking Eli and Fiona a long time to get her marking catalogue from her desk. And just as Mrs. Dawes expressed that concern, Clare's eyes widened as a dishevelled Fiona ran – or tried to anyway – there was a steady stream of blood coming from the girl's thigh; she had clearly scraped it very badly against…the pavement, Clare guessed from the little bits of dirt that were embedded in the wound.

And through her tears and violent sobs, Fiona pulled on Mrs. Dawes arm and choked out,

"Mrs. Dawes, Mrs. Dawes, come quick…I didn't see it, it came out of nowhere, and now – come, Mrs. Dawes, I called 911, but come, come please," and…Clare felt her blood freeze in her veins. Where was….?

"Fiona, Fiona, calm down, tell me what happened," Mrs. Dawes pleaded. "Is your leg all right?" she asked, but Fiona just shook her head wildly as more tears stained her face.

"Forget about _me_! _Eli_! It's _Eli_! The car hit him, it was going to hit me, but he pushed me out of the way, that's why I just have a little scrape, but Mrs. Dawes, he's not speaking, there's blood, oh God, oh God – the ambulance said three minutes, but come, come quick," Fiona choked out, and Mrs. Dawes began running at once. Clare immediately followed them, and she could hear Adam's running footsteps behind them as well; she could hear her own heartbeat as Fiona's words echoed through her mind.

_He pushed me out of the way. _

_ There's blood. _

_ The car hit him. _

_ The car hit him. _

_ The car hit him. _

_The car hit him. _

_The car hit him. _

But not even those horrible words could prepare Clare for the sight that she saw in the next minute. Fiona knelt down beside Eli's still body and her tears fell onto his face…because Fiona was looking at the huge pool of blood that was obviously coming from…behind his head. Mrs. Dawes' cries of his name did nothing – it was clear that he was not conscious, and through a haze of her own tears and sobs, Clare heard the P.E. class also run over at once, but Coach Armstrong's warnings held them back.

Clare heard Imogen's wild cries of Eli's name as well, and she must have escaped Coach Armstrong's guardianship as she quickly ran to Imogen's side and looked at the pool of blood with sheer terror in her eyes. Clare also saw Katie run over at once, and she urgently called out to Imogen,

"_Don't_ move him. _Don't _touch him. It's a brain injury – _for God's sake_, don't move him, don't touch him!"

"What do we do? What do we do to help him?" Imogen then asked with urgency, the only one able to keep any composure with the exception of Katie.

"We can't…do anything. We wait for the ambulance and we _don't _move him," Katie shakily said, and Mrs. Dawes quickly gathered herself and repeated Katie's instructions.

Clare then saw a woman whom she had never met before shakily approach them – she was visibly pregnant and her hands were shaking. As she came over to the group of people gathered over Eli's still body, she tearfully said,

"Oh my God – I didn't see them, I swear I didn't see them, they came out of nowhere – is he okay? Is he okay?" and just as Coach Armstrong had to restrain the hysterical woman, Clare realized that…she had hit Eli. With her car. Eli…had been hit with a car…and now he was bleeding….possibly from his brain.

Clare knew that this was not a good situation; it was literally the most dangerous type of injury that could happen. And as she studied the look on Katie's face as she was holding Eli's wrist and counting, Clare knew that…Katie also understood this.

And that one split moment made Clare realize that…reality could not be denied any longer. Eli's reality was now…quite possibly death. And that realization chilled Clare to her very core as she thought about the fact that…there were some things in life that could not be undone, and…this might be one of them. She could hear Imogen calling his name over and over again through her sobs, she could hear Fiona uttering 'why did you do it, Eli' as blood rushed down her leg, and she could hear the woman who had been driving the car crying urgently as she held her stomach, for some reason asking for the boy's name, and she could hear Coach Armstrong softly say, 'Eli, his name is Eli', but Clare could not gather her own thoughts.

She could only think of...the fact that Eli _must be_ fine. He _had to_ be fine. They would take him to the hospital and help him. And he would be fine. And then…Clare could tell him. She could tell him what he deserved to hear. She missed her friend. He _had to_ be fine. And she kept frantically repeating this thought over and over in her mind, until she saw ambulance lights and the piercing sound of sirens filled her voice.

She saw three paramedics jump out of the vehicle before it had even come to a complete stop, and she watched, frozen in fear as one headed for the pregnant woman, and the other pulled Fiona away from Eli's still body while Imogen, Mrs. Dawes and Clare gave them the necessary space to work around. The oldest paramedic was the one who headed to Eli, placing an oxygen mask over his face right away before…the blood spread to his hands.

Clare then heard him yell, "Triage – leave the girl with the leg be, Kate stay with the pregnant victim, but Andy – get the stretcher board, we have a head injury," and in just a few seconds Clare saw the paramedics pull Eli onto it, and once he was lifted off the pavement…she finally saw all the blood. And it was…so much more than what Clare had previously seen. It was bright red, and it felt…unreal; like something you would see on a TV show, or in a comic book, not…not blood that had come out of Eli's body. Blood that he needed. Blood that was necessary…for life.

So Clare followed Imogen and Fiona and Adam and jumped into the ambulance, her shaking body resting in Adam's embrace as she could hear Fiona sobbing,

"And it was just a second away from hitting me, when I felt a huge push from behind, so I tripped and fell forward and scraped my leg – but oh God, I just heard it at once; the impact of his body against the car as it skidded…it was _bad_, it was loud, and I called his name, but as he fell, he was…gone, just gone," she said to the paramedics as they kept working on Eli's body.

The blood…had seeped onto the stretcher board and…it was all over the paramedics' gloves…it was everywhere. There was so much of it, and so little of it in Eli's pale white face that Clare thought that she was ready to die herself. Right then and there. She didn't want to live in such a God less world that, after everything that he had already been through, Eli would now…die. Even just the imagination of that possibility made Clare want to drive a knife through her heart, a real knife through her real beating heart.

Her heart was beating without a reason now.

Through her haze, she tightly hung onto Adam's now tear-soaked shirt and she could hear the paramedics talking into the radio, "Seventeen year old male, car accident victim, direct impact at thirty miles per hour – severe cranial damage, definite brain injury, and extremely low vital signs. Will require urgent attention from neurosurgery, orthopaedics, will meet at O.R. two. Tell the Chief to find a surgical team at once, headed by a neurosurgeon preferably," and although she did not understand everything, Clare…had understood enough. Her worst fears had been confirmed by that information. Brain injury.

As she pulled out of Adam's embrace, she met the boy's gaze and saw the same look of sheer terror reflected in his eyes. And as she looked over at Imogen, Clare saw her hands shaking as she pressed some keys on her phone, and the next second she heard Imogen utter into the phone,

"Daddy? Daddy, come quick, I need you, please daddy, my friend – Eli, he's been hit by a car so badly, daddy, please, we're on the way to your hospital, please come, please daddy I need you", a few seconds followed by a teary, "Oh thank you, daddy, thank you, we're just a few minutes away, hurry daddy, please".

Imogen then hung up with her hands still shaking as she met Clare and Adam's gaze and said, "My dad. They're going to need a neurosurgeon, the hospital only keeps two on staff. One of them is my dad; he is at home because he came in late from surgery last night, but that paramedic…the way he was taking, it strongly suggested that he knew that the other neurosurgeon might be in surgery right now. Eli's going to need a neurosurgeon; another surgeon would have to do his operation if the one neurosurgeon was busy…but that's not good enough. He needs the best, and my dad is the best. He's on his way," Imogen shakily finished as Adam and Clare nodded in relief and understanding. Imogen was right. Eli needed the best.

"Imogen…your dad – he'll be able to pull Eli through, right? Right?" Clare asked through sobs, and Imogen locked her gaze with hers before she said, "I sure hope so. Oh God, I sure hope so, I sure hope so," and she covered her face with her hands.

But the exchange of a worried look between the paramedics as they studied Eli's weak vital signs did not go unnoticed by Clare. The trip to the hospital only took a few seconds, and Eli was rushed into an operating room at once, leaving Adam, Imogen, Fiona and Clare in the waiting room, but Imogen quickly ran through the hospital – it was clear that she knew it quite well – to a set of back doors. When they saw a man with grey hair who still had a pyjama top on run out of a car and he was immediately surrounded by three young doctors who handed him a pair of scrubs that he threw on right away as he was walking, Clare knew at once who he was and that…_he_ would be the one to fight for Eli's life. When Eli could no longer fight for his own life, the intelligent and incredibly composed man would be the one to do it for him.

"Daddy, thank God you're here," Clare saw Imogen sigh tearfully as the girl reached up and tied his scrub cap up for him. Clare was taken aback at how at home Imogen looked to be in the hospital and how she knew exactly what her dad needed to do in order to prepare; after she finished tying on his scrub cap Clare noticed that Imogen put on a blue vest over her dad's scrub top – Clare knew that was to protect him against the radiation that some of his surgical equipment would give off.

"Imogen darling, you should be back here. Listen to me – " her dad said, and Clare noticed that Imogen did so at once. "Let my staff tell me about your friend," and Imogen immediately quieted down as a red-haired young doctor handed a group of scans to Imogen's dad – scans that Clare knew must have been taken in the minutes in between the time that they had arrived at the hospital and the time that Dr. Moreno had gotten here.

The young doctor's voice was nothing but calm and determined as it said, "Seventeen year old male, frontal collision with a vehicle travelling at thirty miles per hour, cranial skull fractured, suspected bleeding into his brain," and Clare watched trembling as Imogen's dad frowned and held the CT scans up to the light.

"Daddy, Eli takes anti-anxiety medication, I don't know if it will conflict with whatever you need to do. He's bipolar," Imogen quickly added, and Clare was relieved that…Imogen had remembered. She was…so composed through her obvious distress and…helping Eli. _Like she had done so much ever since…I felt him_, Clare thought.

"No, sweetheart, don't worry about that – the fact that he's bipolar means absolutely nothing to me," Clare heard the experienced surgeon say, and…she was a little taken aback at seeing someone dismiss Eli's condition as if it meant nothing – Clare was rather used to setting it as something that…could be blamed for everything that went wrong. Something that was an insurmountable obstacle…and here was Imogen's dad, waving it aside as if it didn't really matter. And Clare wondered if perhaps she had been…using it as a type of scapegoat. She didn't want to think about that option for too long, and she watched Dr. Moreno's face and slight shaking of his head. She could hear Fiona softly crying and saw Imogen crawl up into her dad's side, also studying Eli's scans.

"Daddy…tell me," she heard Imogen softly choke out.

She then saw Dr. Moreno address his team as he continued, "Let's go, people, get me O.R. two – the boy is bleeding into his brain, we're going in – _right now_. Epstein, you're scrubbing in," and Clare felt disgust take over her entire body as she saw the younger looking resident clench his fist in victory – to him, this moment obviously meant nothing more than getting to be a part of a 'cool' surgery. Did he not realize Eli was…in such a bad condition? How could he be happy over this?

"Daddy, _no_…tell me," Clare heard Imogen repeat, a little more forcefully this time.

"Darling…I don't want you to get your hopes up. Your friend is _bleeding into his brain_. I'm going to do everything I can, but every second counts here and it's already been so long. See you on the other side," and Clare saw Imogen bend over in pain and she knew at once that..._oh God_, she couldn't even believe it. Just a few minutes ago, Eli's green eyes had been shining with pride as Fiona read her paper…and now…now Clare just knew that he was closer to death than to life.

"Come on. Come on!" Clare heard Imogen yell after her father and his team of assistants took off in the direction of O.R. 2 and Clare wondered where Imogen was leading them – she had headed a different way, but she didn't want to argue because Imogen, despite her obvious distress, was very much in her element and listening to her seemed like the natural thing for her to do. It was clear that her dad was very respected at the hospital – Clare knew that they were crossing through areas in which only staff were typically allowed, but all the nurses politely greeted Imogen. However, she just kept running, not replying to any of them, as Clare, Adam and Fiona all followed her, grateful for her expertise. Clare was profoundly glad to have Imogen here – she realized that if she wouldn't be here, she would be stuck in the waiting room for hours, not getting any indication as to Eli's condition. But it also deeply saddened Clare to see Imogen so…in charge of Eli. It was only a reminder of…how time had seemed to leave her behind. And Clare knew that that was a direct result of her own choices. It was no one's fault but her own.

"In here, come on," Imogen panted as she reached the end of the hallway, and she could tell that Imogen had led them to…the observation room to O.R. 2, as Clare could see her dad and his team downstairs. And Clare wondered if she could do what Imogen clearly planned on doing. _Watching Eli be cut open. _

Just as if she read Clare's mind, Imogen softly breathed, "I can't watch this, so I'm sitting like this," as she turned her back to the observation window and slid down to the ground. "But do you hear that beeping?" Imogen asked, and everyone nodded.

"It's his heart. We want that to stay steady – not to speed up or slow down – or any other alarm to go off. That's it – and oh no, another thing. Daddy has to say it. It only works when he says it. It's…my dad's thing," she tearfully said.

"What is?" Adam softly asked.

"Just sit down and shut up. Daddy has to say it," Imogen shot at once, and Clare retreated into Adam's embrace as Fiona also collapsed into his other side.

Over the loudspeaker that Imogen turned on in the observation room, Clare heard Imogen's dad's voice come through – loud and confident and without the slightest hesitation.

"All right, team. It's a beautiful day to save a life. Drill, please," and Clare saw Imogen let out a shaky exhale as she breathed, "_That_. He needed to say that. You can do it, daddy. He needs you. I need you".

The teens spent the next eight hours on the floor, none of them having the courage to ever turn around and look. Clare took comfort in the fact that the beeping did stay steady, just as Imogen said they should pray that it should, but…the look on Imogen's face really unnerved Clare. She wondered if Imogen understood everything that her dad was saying to his team, and why…she didn't look happy or relieved when her dad gave instructions to 'finish up' and why Imogen flinched when her dad tossed the suction device into a metal bowl, creating a sharp and angry noise a few seconds before he walked out of the operating room.

Imogen then ran out back to the waiting room, where Fiona immediately ran into the embrace of a tearful Cece and a pale Bullfrog. Eli's parents' worst fear had come true. They had received a call they never wanted to…and Clare could barely look at them. She wondered if they were mad that she was here, but as Cece and Bullfrog's eyes met hers, all she could see was compassion and a fear that had also invaded her own eyes. Clare realized that Imogen had timed their arrival just before that of her dad, and she could hear Fiona sobbing,

"_Why_ did he do it? It should have been me, he's so stupid, God, Eli, he's _so_ stupid," as Cece softly cooed her and gently said, "No, pretty girl, it's okay. It's all right. Eli wanted it to be him, not you, he couldn't live with this happening to someone else," and Clare flinched when she heard those words.

"Someone else?" Fiona asked in confusion and Cece softly replied, "Eli's first girlfriend was hit by a car. She died right at the scene. Shh. Shh, it's not your fault, pretty girl, it's okay," and Clare watched as Cece tightly gripped Fiona's blazer.

Clare then saw Imogen retreat into Bullfrog's arms, and that sight definitely took her aback. She then heard someone call Imogen's name, and she thought it would be a member of the medical staff, but it turned out to be…Liam, who took Imogen into his arms at once and Clare could see his red and teary eyes.

"God, how is he?" Liam got out as Imogen was visibly shaking in his hug.

"Daddy's just going to come out – he did his surgery," Imogen explained to Liam and to Eli's parents, who nodded in fear. "Daddy smiles – when it's good news, because he wants to be able to communicate it to the family right away, as he's walking down the hallway," and she gestured towards a small hallway that was leading back from the ORs. "If it's good news, he smiles. We want him to be smiling," Imogen nervously said as everyone took a deep breath as the doors opened and Imogen's dad slipped his surgical mask off.

He was not smiling.

"Daddy," Imogen tearfully sighed when he reached the group composed of everyone who Eli loved and who loved him back.

"Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy," Imogen's dad started, as Cece and Bullfrog stepped forward.

"Is my baby boy okay? Please, tell me he's okay," Cece cried as Clare saw Bullfrog's arms wrap tightly around her.

Clare felt her heart drop as she saw Imogen's dad exhale deeply and he explained, "The impact of the collision was…as damaging as possible; the car hit him at such an angle that his head directly hit the cement pavement, and…the damage was extensive It was immediate," Imogen's dad sighed.

He continued, sounding so extremely exhausted, "By the time that the ambulance got to the hospital, he was already bleeding into his brain. I managed to repair some of the damage and get him stable, but…I doubt that he will wake up right away. Everything in my experience tells me that…he is headed directly for a coma. And I don't know if…it's one that he will wake up from. I have no way of knowing if he will _ever _wake up," Imogen's dad softly said as Clare heard Cece let out a painful cry. In that moment, Clare felt as if she were existing outside of time and space and…this was all a dream.

It was _just a dream_. It had to be. A horrible dream that she would be waking up from any minute, and returning to the other awful time that she was in this hospital, just around the corner. And she'd quickly ask Bullfrog where he was, and she could run into his room and kiss him reassuringly and tell him that it was okay that he crashed Morty, even if it definitely wasn't, but she would recognize the fear in his eye and hold him tightly and kiss every part of his face and push his hair back and hold him and rock him and tell him that it was okay and that they could work through things together and that she wasn't going anywhere. That she was only staying with him, and that they would focus on his recovery, and that she wouldn't leave his side for one minute. That she would stay with him and that they would be fine. That everything was fine. That whatever lied ahead in Eli's recovery they could easily work through as a team, just like they had done with everything else. Because the worst had _not_ happened.

It had not happened yet, and that way she could erase the nightmare that she had been living in ever since that night. She could erase the play, she could erase Jake, and she didn't care what else happened or didn't happen because…because, oh God, everything could be fixed or improved ultimately.

Everything but…reality. This….this was as worse at it ever got. And only now did Clare begin to recognize her true feelings.

"And now it's too late," Adam heard her whisper and he pulled her into a tight embrace as he heard Fiona sobbing and saw Imogen being hugged by her dad, her dark locks hidden in his embrace as he repeated over and over again that he did everything he could.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Clare, Adam, and Fiona then all left the hospital at Eli's parents' request – Adam was picked up by his mother, who also had tears in her eyes and told the Goldsworthys to call if they needed the slightest thing, and Mrs. Torres kindly offered to take Clare and Fiona home as well. While Fiona accepted the offer, Clare politely declined it – she wanted to walk home, and she did so, although it did her absolutely no good. And Clare knew it. She knew that there was no way that she could clear her mind from this.

_Eli was in a coma_. And Imogen's dad…Clare reflected that _he knew_. He knew what was going on, and he had put it mildly. How can one wake up after bleeding into their brain? Clare didn't know, but she vowed that she would find out. If she had to read every single web page and fifteen thousand medical books, she would. She had failed Eli so miserably in the past…and there really hadn't been all that much wrong with him, she now reflected.

So he's bipolar, Goddamn it – so what? He could still…breathe on his own, and walk, and run, and think, and write….and…be Eli. Be _my_ Eli, Clare thought tearfully as she inserted her key in her lock. Except now it was too late. She hadn't even talked to him, she thought miserably. _I just…gave up on him. _

_ I gave up on him. The one thing that he wanted – asked me, concretely – not to do, I did. I gave up on him and proceeded to parade Jake around, made out with him left, right and centre, and never looked back at…Eli. I should have talked to him; sure, he's sick, but I was responsible for some of it at least. But now it's too late. Eli is…gone. He's not dead, but he's still gone. I can't talk to him. He can't see me. He couldn't even feel it if I were to kiss him. _

"Hey," Clare heard Jake softly say, standing up off the couch at once, obvious alarm in his eyes.

"Dad and Helen went to the church fundraiser. I can heat up dinner for us," he gently added.

"I'm not hungry, Jake," was all that Clare replied as she took her shoes off and headed for the stairs.

"Clare…I heard. What happened. I'm so sorry. I can't even believe it," Jake admitted, and it was obvious that he felt really bad about the entire situation as well. "Is he okay?" he softly added.

"No. He's not. He's in a coma," Clare curtly replied, blinking rapidly to hide her tears.

"Oh, God," Jake sighed as he stepped forward to give Clare a hug that she immediately retreated from.

"Um, sorry," Jake awkwardly said, because he felt he should say….something, anything.

"Jake?" Clare asked and he nodded at once, wishing she could tell him something that he could do to make her a bit better. Jake didn't think Clare had feelings for Eli anymore, but he knew that she was rather sensitive and that this would hit her hard…she had obviously been at the hospital with him, that much he had been able to piece together.

"You need to knock before you come into my room!" was what Clare let out in that moment, and Jake looked immediately embarrassed at once.

"God, Clare, I'm sorry. Of course I should. I'm sorry," he awkwardly stumbled, his cheeks flaming. "But please, let me make you something to eat," he added.

"I'm not hungry, Jake," Clare repeated, thinking of…how Eli would now be fed…through tubes. He'd never have a Coke or a burger, like Clare knew that he liked to.

"Just…let me know if there's anything I can do, okay?" Jake offered.

"Don't tell my mom," Clare whispered, and Jake gave her a confused look in response, but then he decided to just nod, wanting to do anything to make Clare feel better. He continued to watch her in worry as she headed up the stairs and closed the door to her room. But what Jake couldn't see was that as the door closed, Clare sobbed against it before sinking to the floor. She couldn't believe that when she would return to class the next day, Eli wouldn't be there. And this wasn't because he was a year older and he would graduate, but because…Eli's world was now a hospital. He wasn't even conscious.

And it hit Clare even harder when she saw his empty English desk. It was a terrible testament to the loss; empty and a huge black hole in the classroom, across from Fiona's and in front of Adam's. Clare caught Mrs. Dawes staring at it many times, as did Fiona and Adam and everyone in the class, and Clare felt like there couldn't have been a sight that was….more wrong in the entire world. Her previously passionate and lively English class was now…dead. Mrs. Dawes had had a special class after Eli's accident and she had tried to channel her students' emotions into a special piece, connecting them to Mrs. Sauvé as well. Clare heard Fiona softly crying as they wrote it, and she saw Adam wiping away tears as well.

But Clare's page stayed blank. She could find no words to describe how she was feeling because she didn't want to accept this reality. She wanted to go back to the hospital - on April 22nd - and hold him and kiss him and tell him that she wasn't going anywhere and that _she was never letting him out of her sight_. But Clare knew that that could no longer be her reality.

She caught the worried glances Mrs. Dawes sent her, and when she and Fiona and Imogen and Adam were asked to see Mrs. Sauvé because they had been the ones to go with Eli to the hospital and Dawes and Simpson had agreed that they needed some sort of grief counselling, she met with the kind lady and talked while Mrs. Suave wrote. But it did not make Clare feel better at all. Clare knew that nothing would, and for the first time, she understood why Eli's emotions towards Julia had been so powerful.

It was not because he was a writer, and felt everything a little more potently than your average individual; and it was not because he was bipolar, it was because…that was the normal reaction.

Fiona had talked to the counsellor as well, being so used to therapy, and she shared her fear that loving _her _as a friend was that led Eli to his ruin; just another friend who felt unhappiness because of her. Adam had not said much, because Adam was waiting for his friend to wake up.

Adam knew that no one believed Eli would, but people had also never believed in Eli and he had proven them wrong time and time again. Adam felt he knew Eli best, and he didn't have to listen to anybody else. Eli was just tired, Adam reasoned, and he was using this time to get his strength back. After all, Adam reflected as tears flooded his eyes, poor Eli had not caught a break since Julia's death. He deserved a little rest, and that was all that he was doing.

Imogen had blatantly refused to talk to Mrs. Sauvé, and Clare had heard her bluntly rebuff Principal Simpson's insistent remarks in the hallway and she had wished that she had Imogen's strength. But Clare didn't know that Imogen's dad had to put her to bed every night these days, and that the girl never slept, and Clare didn't know how Imogen's dad went over the surgery again and again in his mind, trying to figure out if there was something different that he could have done…and always coming up with the same answer. There wasn't. The car crash had just simply been much too severe.

And so the week went by, day by painful day, Eli's desk being a vacuuming hole in the classroom that Clare desperately needed to feel his presence in. And when she was walking towards the school exit on Friday afternoon, Clare was met with a sight that made her lose her composure. There was…Katie, out of all people, _cleaning out Eli's locker_. Clare saw that she had tears in her eyes and that Drew quickly took over, but…she didn't understand.

"What are you doing? Why are you touching his things? Leave his things alone!" she yelled, and she pushed Katie and Drew out of the way at once and stuffed everything that they had taken out back at once. Eli's textbooks, his notes, and a few comic books…he hadn't been at school that long, but he still had a decent amount of things in his locker…and they _needed_ to stay in his locker, Clare frantically thought.

"I-I…" Katie tearfully started, but Drew took over the explanation, himself rattled as well; he had gotten to know Eli better over the summer and he couldn't believe that…Eli wasn't running around somewhere, but…lying still in a hospital bed. "Clare, Principal Simpson asked Katie to, like he always does with special tasks because he trusts her, being president and all. He just said to clean out his locker," Drew admitted.

"How dare you?" Clare exploded. "Don't you dare lay a finger on any of Eli's things!" she shouted, attracting the attention of everyone in the hallway.

"What, you think you can just give his locker to some niner? I don't think so! It's Eli's! How do you think he's going to feel when he comes back and his locker has been assigned to someone else? How would you feel? Stop it! Just stop it! Don't write him off just yet. Don't erase him from our lives! He's not dead yet, for God's sake!" Clare tearfully sobbed as Drew and Katie stepped back in shock and Clare felt a pair of powerful arms embrace her from behind and slightly lift her up so he could carry her.

"Stop it! Let go! His locker, it needs to stay, it's _his_ locker," she pleaded, and she felt Jake put her down. Clare watched as Jake cast a meaningful look Drew and Katie's way, and the two placed everything back in Eli's locker quickly, and Principal Simpson surfaced from his office. Clare sighed in relief as she watched Principal Simpson lock Eli's locker back up and he nodded meaningfully at Clare, who was then gently led out by Jake to his truck. Clare appreciated that he said nothing on the entire ride home, and she appreciated that he left her alone that entire night as well. She didn't want to talk to anyone.

XXXXXXXXXX

The light was barely peeking in through the black blinds of the Goldsworthy's bedroom. Today, after one week of shutting the world out and wanting to just be left alone, both of them had to return to work. They hadn't even spent an ounce of real time at home, but had rather been sleeping by Eli's bedside for the past week, listening to the steady rhythm of the ventilator as Cece kept her head on his chest, feeling it rise and fall. As long as she felt that, she felt hope. She didn't care that her rational mind was telling her that that motion was only caused by the machine; she didn't care about anything much these days.

The alarm clock rang an hour after both Cece and Bullfrog just lied in bed with their eyes open, and in the trance-like state that they had functioned in for most of the past week, they went through the motions of getting ready for work. Cece lovingly packed her husband's lunch and wished him good luck at work – Bullfrog had asked to be taken off the morning show because it required much too much talking and being jovial than he could muster at the moment – so he was simply going to do administrative tasks and organize music playlists, secretly grateful that his boss had allowed him to do this immediately after he explained just why he could not be on air. Cece's accounting job didn't consist of too much interaction with people, but when she was handed a sympathy card at work, she ripped it to shreds in the bathroom, not wanting anyone to see and misinterpret this gesture. _But her baby boy wasn't dead yet_. They shouldn't write him off just yet like that, so she ripped the card to shreds, although it did absolutely nothing to make her feel better.

Once she got home at the end of what seemed to her like the longest day of her life, she asked Bullfrog to go grocery shopping for her as she was just too exhausted, and like the supportive and loving husband that he was, he agreed at once.

"I need you to get a six pack of Coke, red delicious apples, chocolate bars, and burgers," she said, a list of items that made Bullfrog's eyes red and teary at once.

"Sweetheart…" he began, but he was cut off by his wife immediately.

"Get them! It's not up for discussion. He likes them; they are his favourites, and they need to be here for when he comes back. And then he'll come back, and I'll cook for him, and he'll eat it and love it – right there in that stool," she sobbed, gesturing towards the seat that was Eli's. That was now empty.

"Get them!" Cece repeated emphatically, and Bullfrog nodded at once, stepping forward to embrace her and run his fingers over her hair as he repeated, "I will, I will, don't you worry. I've got it," before he stepped out of the house and Cece broke down completely.

Once Bullfrog returned and he placed the grocery bags up on the counter, he began to worry when he didn't see Cece neither in the kitchen nor in the living room, and he quickly went down to the basement, and he felt his eyes tear up again when he saw Cece doing laundry. He felt guilty that he hadn't done this at all over the past week; he had done _nothing_ over the past week.

But as he got closer, he saw that Cece wasn't exactly doing laundry…she was pulling out the laundry that was in the dryer…from before the car accident, of course, as no one had done it since. Laundry that…Eli must have put in there, as he did his own sometimes.

That's what it was that Cece was tightly hugging to her chest, Bullfrog could tell – it was a grey shirt of Eli's.

"It still smells like him," Cece tearfully said before Bullfrog hugged her, Eli's shirt being pressed in between their bodies.

Cece then wiped her face and said, "I just…I want to have this load folded so it's ready for when he comes back. And…there's some other clothes on his bed that need to be washed. I'm going to do those as well, and then he'll have all his clothes nice and clean for when he comes back, it will all be ready here for him," and Cece's frantic obsession caused Bullfrog to take a deep breath and feel an overwhelming eerie sentiment take him over at once. It was…just like the first time that he realized something was wrong with Eli. But now…something was wrong with his mom.

"I'm going to get the rest of those clothes, have them nice and clean and dry and ironed for when he comes back – he's going to want to change into them," Cece frantically continued, and Bullfrog just silently followed her into Eli's room…the first time they had been in it since the accident.

Bullfrog watched his wife immediately take the clothes that were on his bed into her arms, hugging them to her chest and sniffing them before she crawled into the bed in a fetal position, hugging the clothes to her chest and keeping them close to her face as she repeated over and over again, "They need to be ready for when he comes back, they need to be ready…" and Bullfrog quickly spooned her into an embrace, rocking her gently and whispering, "I know, I know," over and over again for twenty minutes until Cece's exhaustion had gotten the best of her.

Bullfrog then got the courage to speak up, "Sweetheart, maybe you and I should see the therapist," wanting to make sure that he wouldn't neglect his wife the same way that he had neglected his child.

"Don't you _dare,_" Cece shot back at once, her anger surprising Bullfrog. "Don't you dare take me to some bogus grief counsellor. He's not dead yet, you know. He's _not _dead, and we need to be ready for when he comes back. He'll be hungry and he'll want nice, clean clothes, and I'm going to make sure I have everything he likes to eat and his clothes, he'll need clean clothes," Cece repeated over and over again as Bullfrog just held her tightly and repeated, "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. You're right, sweetheart, you're right".

"And the car – that black Lincoln that he likes. We need to buy the car for him, he's worked all summer for it, he's only missing a little bit of the money now. I know it might sound crazy to buy him a car, but he wants it. He needs it, he's earned it. There's only one of those Lincolns in the used shop, we need to buy it for him. So it's ready. When he wakes up. I want you to go buy it, Bullfrog," Cece sternly said, and all Bullfrog could do was hold her tightly, press a kiss to her temple and say, "Okay sweetheart, okay".

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Say hi to Holly J. for me, and have a nice time on your date tonight," Fiona sighed into her phone to her brother at Yale before she walked into English class and took her seat across from the empty desk.

Fiona wasn't sure what she was doing in this class anymore. Her marks were still good, and Fiona wondered how they could be, without her English partner. Without her friend. Without the one who had shown her that she was loveable.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"See you at the meeting after school," Ms. Oh said to Mrs. Dawes at the end of lunch, and the teacher began her walk back towards her classroom. She wasn't even sure what she was going to do with her students today. All she could think about lately when she had this class and assigned a paper was…what would Eli Goldsworthy write?

Would he ever get to write anything ever again?

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'll walk you to class," Liam shyly proposed to Imogen and the girl nodded in response. Liam gently took her small green bag and swung it across his own shoulder as Imogen faintly smiled at him.

He then gently intertwined their fingers and kissed her cheek, giving her the moment that she had always dreamed of. But they both felt the sadness weighing on their shoulders.

The person who had brought them together and would have rejoiced so much at seeing this result was not here. They couldn't even tell him, and as their eyes met, they both knew they were thinking the same thing.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Thanks so much bro," Drew told Adam as he punched his shoulder playfully when he heard that his brother could be coming to watch his basketball game after school.

Adam didn't enjoy watching Drew's games all the time – he had grown up doing this and there was only so many of them that anyone could take – but he also didn't want to head home to a basement of newly released video games that he and Eli had been anticipating and a stack of comic books that he so desperately wanted to share with his best friend. Adam didn't enjoy spare time anymore. When he had spent the summer recovering from his gunshot wound, Eli had been there, with him, _every day_. While other guys had headed to the beach and were out chasing girls, Eli just sat with Adam in his room, and watched movies. _Every day_. Some days subjecting Eli to the horrors of foreign films whose titles Adam couldn't even pronounce…but…Eli had never let Adam down. He was always there for him, and Adam wanted to be there for Eli now. But it was hard to do that when Eli wasn't there himself. Adam didn't know where to turn or what to do. He was simply…adrift.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare Edwards had figured out that between three and six pm, no one would come to visit Eli after that first week; she had glanced at the log on the nurses' station desk when she had dropped by after the first week that she knew Cece and Bullfrog stayed with Eli for. So…she had made that _her_ time ever since.

She didn't know what impulse had possessed her to walk to the hospital every day, but…she had. The walk helped, clearing her mind of the occurrences at school, and the hospital was quiet. Clare liked quiet these days, and she just pulled up a chair by Eli's side – he had a private room – and slid his headphones on as she did her homework.

For the first week she could barely look at him; he was…so different. Almost unrecognizable. So pale. So so very pale. His cheeks didn't have that hint of redness that they often would around her, and his lips weren't pink at all, they were almost _white_. It was the most eerie thing that Clare had ever seen. But the part that most broke her heart was not the ventilator that he was connected to, or all the feeding tubes that were also connected to him. It was that face that his eyes…were closed. She could no longer see the sharp green that sparkled with intelligence and wit and humour and that…completely killed her.

The thought that Eli might never open them again…it was a pain that literally took her breath away. His hair had obviously been cut, but Clare pushed it aside anyway, because she liked the way it looked that way best. She tried to hide the bald spot where his hair had been shaved off so Imogen's dad could drill into his skull, but it was impossible; it was just too large to be hidden. It was too big to be erased. So Clare just focused on the frontal view of his hair, pushing his bangs to the side – this look reminded her of the good days of their relationship, so she created it. Some days when she would come there would be light stubble on his face, other days it would be more pronounced, and some days it wouldn't be there at all; Clare knew that this meant the nurses must shave him. She also guessed that they also cut his nails. Bit by bit, she had grown more comfortable with being near him and touching him, and when she had begun holding his hand she had noticed he sometimes had sharp nails, other times he did not. Clare wished she could be the one to take care of him, but all she could do was be here just a few hours. At the same time, it was the best thing that had happened to her homework, and her mom believed her when she said that she just had some volunteering to do at school. Clare didn't even know where to being to explain to her mom the entire Eli situation, so she just kept quiet about it.

All she wanted to do was _be with him_, and these three hours gave her peace. She tried studying the chart at the end of his bed to see if the numbers would get higher; but they always stayed the same, and when they dipped down for a couple of days, she would tell herself that they would always spike back up. And they often did, but only for a few days before they'd dip down all over again. And Clare desperately tried to ignore that fact that on average, she knew that they were getting lower.

She knew Eli was fading fast.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

One week later, Clare was kneeling beside Eli's bed and tightly clutching her cross necklace as she begged God to protect Eli and to allow him to return to her when all of a sudden the door flung open and a team of doctors, led by the man who Clare recognized as Imogen's father entered the room.

"Our apologies, miss, we are just here to look at some numbers," Imogen's dad told her, and Clare noted the frown on Dr. Moreno's face as he studied the figures that Clare knew were receding day by day. She was too scared to ask…because she knew the answer. Numbers don't lie, Clare reflected as the team of doctors left, but the door only opened again and Clare was met with…Imogen, which immediately made her uncomfortable.

"Well, my, my, as I live and breathe – Clare Edwards in the flesh, in Eli Goldsworthy's room," the older girl emphatically said in a rather condescending tone.

"Didn't think you'd show up here," Imogen continued as Clare pursed her lips and cast her a killer glare.

"I think I have every right to be here," Clare insisted, hating the way that Imogen appeared so comfortable in the hospital, changing the water on the many vases on the window sill that contained flowers for Eli.

"I'm not saying you don't have a right to be here, I just didn't _expect_ to see you, that's all," Imogen slyly said. "But then again, you've always had atrocious nerve," Imogen continued, now angering Clare.

"And just what it that supposed to mean?" Clare shot back.

"I just don't understand what is going on through that head of yours. You hate Eli, why on earth are you here?" Imogen asked.

"I do _not_ hate him," Clare replied.

"Of course you don't. Because everyone yells and throws mean glares at people they love," Imogen shot back.

"You don't understand the slightest thing about Eli and I," Clare said, shaking her head.

"Oh, but I think I do. I think I do," Imogen pursed, before she bitterly added, "I understand that you're _so selfish_ that you'd leave a scared boy all alone in a hospital room and then go dance it off. I understand that you're _such a princess_ that nothing Eli could ever do would make you happy – and that's all he ever wanted to do you know. I understand you'd _demand_ him to change time and time again, make him deny emotions that are only natural in light of what he has been through because you're not happy when he caters to your every whim. I understand that he treats you so well just to be treated _like crap_ in return, and tossed to the side when he's no longer useful. I understand that he's _a toy_ to you – one that you like to see a rise out of so you parade your new heart throb boy toy in front of him and say that Eli will never be over you because how could one possibly get over Clare Edwards? I understand that you think of yourself as a goody Christian who can do no wrong – you're good, you're perfect, you only tried to save Eli, but he's crazy, he's a monster, he's all wrong, it's all…his fault. But what _y_ouunderstand is that he's _not_ like one of these teddy bears," Imogen accused, lifting up a teddy bear dressed up in a biker outfit that had come from Bullfrog's radio station manager.

Imogen then slyly continued, "But that's what you want him to be – a species of 'build your own boyfriend' – so you can select the good parts and toss the others out. So…let's see, what to keep? What to keep?" Imogen mischievously said as she sarcastically tapped her chin with her fingers. "We'll keep…his talent for writing – that one for sure, I mean, hey it got you published, didn't it?- and we'll keep his charm and wit and sarcasm and looks, but let's toss out – the fact that's bipolar, I mean _that one_ has to go for sure, and the fact that he exercises free will and doesn't listen to you every second, and the overprotectiveness, and…ugh, just everything that makes him _so damn needy_…because why should you have to waste your time and energy with _his_ problems? There, now we just made the perfect, Eli, congratulations," Imogen bitterly shot as she tossed the teddy bear at Clare.

She then continued, "God, _how_ I tried to make him see you're not worth it. How I tried to make him see that he let you get away with everything scot-free. How I tried to make him see that _you don't deserve him_ and that he shouldn't do as much as cast a second glance in your direction. But…I couldn't. Because Eli doesn't see it that way. But he's a good and loyal friend – he has proven that to me, and you'd better use that pretty head of yours and think before you come back into his life. If there's even a life to come back into," Imogen sighed as she shook her head at Clare one last time and slammed the door shut behind her, leaving a dumbfounded Clare behind.

Clare knew Imogen was wrong in many of the things that she had said. But…she had also picked up on a lot of thoughts that Clare couldn't deny having. Especially when she had employed her build-a-bear analogy, and the cruelty of it all left Clare shaking.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, Clarebelle," Bullfrog said in surprise one week later as he opened the door to Eli's room with Cece right behind them. They had both left work early on Friday afternoon, barely able to make it through the week.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," Clare apologized at once as she released Eli's hand from her grip and began to gather her books in a panic.

However, she soon felt a gentle hand on her back and she heard Cece gently ask,

"Now, what on Earth are you so sorry about, baby girl?"

"For…everything. I know I don't deserve to be there," Clare painfully whined.

"Don't be silly, baby girl," Cece retorted at once as Bullfrog nodded, much to Clare's surprise.

"How can you not be mad at me? How can you not hate me?" Clare asked in shock.

Clare heard Bullfrog sigh, not knowing that he was doing this because he wanted to tell Clare the way Eli felt about her but he knew that he couldn't because he didn't want to betray his son. Bullfrog then heard his wife softly said, "Oh, sweetheart, it wasn't your fault. It was complicated. We didn't even realize what was wrong. We don't blame you, and neither does Eli. All he would want, baby girl, is for you _to be happy_. That's all he _ever_ wanted, even after the break-up, that's all," Cece emphasized as she held Clare's soon shaking body and gently wiped her tears away.

"You…come to see Eli?" Bullfrog gently asked as Clare tearfully nodded.

"Wow, I'm sure he would love that," Cece encouragingly told her. "It would mean the world to him, baby girl. The world. But make sure you don't exhaust yourself too much," she advised lovingly.

"It's just a few hours a day, it's nothing," Clare said, guilty that she could not do more for Eli.

"It's…the world, sweetheart. _The world_," Cece emphatically repeated as she recognized her son's old headphones wrapped around the blue eyed girl's neck.

Clare then watched in amazement as Cece pulled up a chair next to Eli's beside and…interlocked her fingers together and rested her forehead on top of them. She was…praying?

Just as if Cece read her mind she faintly said, "I…we're not religious. But my mom…she was. And even though I never taught Eli about it and I have not done this since I was in grade school, I still occasionally ask God to help me. Because like Eli said, faith, hope and love are some good things and there's not a doubt in my mind those exist," and Clare was taken aback at hearing Eli's words channelled through his mother. She wondered if that was something he had told her after that horrible night of Morty's crash, and she wished she could hear him talking about such things. Because it sounded like Eli's opinions were not all that different from Clare's.

And as Clare sat beside Cece, she could hear her soft voice talking to God and tears flooded her face as Cece spoke,

"Please, God, please let my baby boy wake up. I want him here with me – no, I _need_ him. I'll do anything; anything. He's _just a boy_. He has his whole life ahead of him, and I know he'd do so much good if he comes back. He's my baby…please. He's just a seventeen year old boy, scarily smart, frighteningly astute, sensitive and complex. Even minutes after he was born, amid all the squalling newborns in the nursery, he was the only one not crying, but looking around with adult, worldly and worried eyes, looking as though he'd done all this before so many times and wasn't sure how excited he felt about having to do it again. This is a child for whom life has never been simple, a child who hears and sees and feels everything intensely, a child who can be overcome by emotion so fast sometimes that it unnerves us all. I love my baby boy so deeply and protectively; please don't take him away now. I wish I could teach him about life; I wish I could reassure him with every line of this prayer about how the world is hard and unfair sometimes, but that it's all okay because he is so loved. He is surrounded by souls who would do anything to help him. And not only that – he has wisdom and strength of his own, buried deep inside his being, which will only reveal themselves time and will always carry him through any trial. So, please, please God, let him come back. Let him come back to me," Cece pleaded.

And Clare realized that a woman who had not gone to church in so long and who didn't really associate herself with being deeply religious had just uttered the most heart wrenching, most honest and most beautiful prayer that Clare had heard in her entire life.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare had just walked into Eli's hospital room at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon, marking almost three full weeks since Eli had been in the hospital. She was now too scared to look at his chart figures, so she never did. The bald patch that had been created along his scalp where Imogen's dad had drilled through his skull was now no longer detectable; his hair had grown to cover it. Clare had always hoped that he would wake up when that happened and he could just rise out of the bed and pick up where he had left off; but as she watched his oxygen tube rise and fall with his chest, she realized it wasn't possible. He wasn't even…breathing on his own.

So she gently took his hand and let a few tears escape before she collected herself and pulled out her headphones, turned her iPod on and pulled out her homework. She worked robotically for about an hour before the sound of the door opening caused her to jolt, and she then saw a pretty blonde nurse that she had seen almost every day walk in. They exchanged polite greetings and Clare watched as the nurse changed his IVs, and Clare softly said,

"He's…a lot skinnier now. Is he getting proper nutrition?" because the change in Eli's appearance had frightened her. He was beginning to look less and less like himself every day…and more like a ghost.

The nurse flashed Clare an empathetic smile and she answered, "He is, sweetheart. But it just can't ever be the same as the diet he used to get. And he's a seventeen year old boy, they have a good and varied appetite usually – but he is getting all the right nutrients, don't you worry," but all Clare could do was worry. It was all she had left.

The nurse finished her duties and just before she was about to leave she returned so she could be opposite of Clare by Eli's bed and she softly said, "You know, you could…talk to him. The doctors here, they did a study – and they found that patients like Eli –" she started, but Clare interrupted.

"Patients like Eli?" she asked.

"Coma patients," the nurse clarified, and Clare flinched when she realized that that was the most accurate description of Eli these days.

The nurse gently added, "Patients whose friends and family visit and talk to them…they held on _twice as long_ as those who were left all alone, you know," and the nurse was struck by Clare's large blue eyes as they fixed on her.

"Really?" Clare asked.

"It's a fact," the nurse nodded.

Clare then shyly admitted, "I…have so much to say to him. So many words I couldn't say before. But now…I don't even know where to start".

"Well, one of his teachers was in here the other day to drop off some flowers – told me he was her best writer; I think she was an English or languages teacher or something of the sort," and Clare smiled sadly at that piece of information, knowing very well who it must have been.

The nurse continued, "You're always reading or doing some type of homework – you could start by telling him what he's missing in school".

"You said they held on longer – is that the best you are expecting? For him to just hang on longer…and then let go? Have you ever seen someone wake up from something like this?" Clare asked, conquering her biggest fear.

And the nurse flashed Clare an honest smile and pushed back a blonde strand of hair as she said, "I have. People do wake up from this sort of thing. Don't lose hope. Stay with him," she said and Clare nodded at once.

"I'm not going anywhere," she asserted, and the nurse flashed her one last encouraging smile before she left the room.

Clare then sat down next to Eli and brushed his bangs aside and held his hand and exhaled deeply before she started,

"Hey you…I miss you. I miss my friend. We all do. I…have so much to say to you Eli, but I can't. Not like this. I never listened to you; I never gave you a chance to talk back to me where I _really_ listened to your fears and concerns. I'm not going to do that to you again. Not again. I can't. But I would like to read to you. There's a new book out that I think you would like," Clare said, so she did that – and she kept doing it day after day after day as she visited Eli from 3pm to 6pm and she watched him get skinnier and skinnier as the numbers on his chart dipped lower and lower and Imogen's dad was taken off his case.

When she asked a nurse why Eli had a different supervising attending now, Clare was told that Eli's brain activity had dipped so low that there was no logical reason for the hospital's top neurologist to stay on as his doctor. But when she went over to Imogen the next day at school, she realized that Imogen didn't know this had happened, and she watched as Imogen made a tearful phone call to her dad from the cafeteria. And the next day when Clare went to the hospital at 3pm, she read Eli's charts and the name at the top of them was once again Dr. Moreno.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"And why aren't you going to the dance, Clare? You love dances!" Helen asked her daughter at the dinner table. Jake was eating dinner in his dance outfit, and Helen was surprised that Clare had opted not to go when she rarely missed one.

Jake gently added, "Yeah, Clare, come on. You can catch a ride over there with Marisol and me, please come".

"I don't feel like going to a dance. I just don't," Clare gritted out, wondering how…life could just go on like that at Degrassi. It all seemed so…frivolous to Clare; the thought of dancing in the gym…she could no longer stomach it. She had used it to blindly deny reality once before, and she could not do it again.

"Maybe she doesn't want to go, lay off guys," Glen gently said, and Clare flashed him a grateful look, feeling just a little ashamed that Glen was trying so hard with her, and she barely co-operated, knowing that Glen made her mom happy…like she deserved to be.

"Thanks, Glen," Clare softly said, and he flashed a small smile in response.

Jake could tell that Clare didn't enjoy being picked on like this, so he changed the subject when he remembered he had to ask his dad something before he would forget.

"Oh, dad, I've been meaning to ask you – almost slipped my mind – do we have any pieces of four by four plywood around?" and Glen replied,

"Yeah, should be plenty. What do you need them for?"

"A girl at school, Fiona, approached me saying she wants to make this big banner for Eli's hospital room with everyone's get well soon messages and signatures on it, but she said when she laid it out just on paper it didn't stand up well and it kept getting wrinkled – she could tell that it obviously needs some sort of back board, so I was just going to make it a frame using plywood," Jake explained, unintentionally dropping the bomb of Eli's current existence.

Helen picked up on it at once and urgently asked, "What's wrong with Eli? Why is he in the hospital again?" and Jake immediately shot Clare an apologetic glance, but she shook her head and told Jake it was all right because she could tell that it had been just an accident.

Clare tried to keep her voice from breaking as she explained, "He got hit by a car. Outside Degrassi. Well, Fiona almost did. Eli pushed her away and took the hit himself. He's in a coma. Almost a month now," blinking rapidly as Helen gasped in shock.

"_What_? My goodness, what a tragedy! His poor parents," Helen gasped.

"Is he going to be all right?" Glen uncomfortably asked, having no clue who Eli was but understanding that he was a classmate of Jake and Clare.

"No one knows. His brain activity has been dropping," Clare disclosed recent news that caused Jake to look at her immediately. Jake had never considered Eli his most trusted ally, but…he still felt sorry that this had to happen to him, and he now worried profusely about Clare.

"God help him. I can't imagine how his parents are feeling, that's every parent's worst nightmare," Helen repeated incredulously.

Glen then said, "It sure is. I don't know if I told you this, Helen, but my best friend's – Sully's – little boy died when they went on a fishing trip. Fell into the ice cold water at eight years old and Sully couldn't get to him in time. He tried to heal for a long, long time; built sweat lodges every summer – he's Mohawk - asking his ancestors for healing. It just about tore him apart, something like that. But then he slowly felt a bit better when him and his wife had another baby". Glen's words were only meant to provide some empathy for Helen from a parent perspective, but they struck a nerve with Clare right away. She…couldn't believe what she was hearing.

And she immediately whispered, "No…no, Eli is…irreplaceable. He's _irreplaceable_," before she ran up to her room and hid her face in her pillow, sobbing violently at the thought of Eli just being…erased like that. Clare didn't understand why people were treating him like he was already dead. He wasn't; just a few blocks away his heart was beating and he was breathing, even if it was with the aid of a ventilator.

She heard the front door open and close and she figured that Jake was going to pick up Marisol, but she never expected her own door to open a second later, and she never expected her mom to be the one to open it.

"Sweetheart," Helen sighed as she lay down and pulled her daughter into an embrace. "I'm sorry if we upset you," she softly said.

"No, mom, it's okay," Clare answered. "I just…it feels so foreign to say it, you know? Eli is in a coma," Clare repeated.

"Why didn't you tell me sweetheart?" Helen curiously asked.

"I…it was hard. To say it out loud. To talk about…Eli," Clare confessed.

"Oh, Clare," Helen sighed, understanding at once that Clare still had feeling for Eli. "It's such a tragedy".

"_Everything_ in Eli's life is a tragedy, mom," Clare tearfully sighed, "He can never have peace, no matter what he does. But this…mom, this is bad," Clare whined, and she proceeded to tell her mom…everything about her relationship with Eli, from how the letter that Helen had received had come to fruition to the play and their last interaction. Helen just listened attentively, patiently brushing Clare's hair back until her daughter exhaled deeply, exhausting creeping over her.

"Oh, sweetheart. _So much_ pain for seventeen years. That poor boy, what a life," Helen sighed empathetically. "But it wasn't all bad – he did find some peace…when he was with you, I could tell," she continued.

Helen then gently asked her daughter, "Do you know what my favourite memory of Eli is, sweetheart?" and Clare painfully whined,

"It can't be that dinner that I brought him to just to humiliate him," plagued with shame.

"No, forget about that, Clare. It was how…he came over with his dad one day, asking me for permission to take you on that trip for the literary convention. He was just a bit nervous, I could tell, but ever so confident, and he just stood there on my front yard and looked me in the eye and told me that you were the kindest, most patient person that he had ever met. He told me you were his best friend, and right then, I knew," Helen confessed.

"Knew what?" Clare asked curiously.

"I knew that…that boy understood something at seventeen that most adults don't," Helen clarified.

"What's that?" Clare inquired.

"That…a successful relationship is based on friendship. Not anything else; that's what makes it work," Helen pointed out as Clare burrowed deeper into her mom's hug.

"Mom?" she asked and Helen nodded encouragingly.

"You and Glen…you've known him for a long time. He's your good friend – that's why it's going to work, and that's why you got married so fast. Because you knew that he was your good friend, right?" Clare asked, because it was as if a cloudy veil had finally been lifted from her vision.

"That's right, sweetheart," Helen confessed, and the words that she said next struck a nerve with Clare. "I knew that he'll always do his best to look after me and that he'll never leave me alone".

Clare then heard a knock on her door and encouraged Glen to come in, knowing that he was the only one left in the house at this point. She saw him holding a mug and he somewhat awkwardly said,

"Thought you might like a cup of tea, Clare," and he set it down on her night side table.

Clare gave him a teary smile and…the first hug that she had ever given him, because she now recognized the good man that he was.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I've been so awful to you," she said tearfully.

"You haven't been awful at all," Glen immediately replied, and he apologetically continued, "Clare…I just…I don't exactly know what teenage girls need; I _want to_ be here for you…I just _don't know how_. And I don't expect you to come to me with all of your concerns, but…I'd like you to know that you can, if you ever want to. And if you tell me what you need, I'll do everything that I can to make it happen. I just…don't know what it is most of the time. With Jake, it's a lot easier; he's a boy, and we've spent our whole lives together. But I want you to know that you can ask me for things too; even if it's just my American Express – teenage girls are good with those I've heard," Glen explained, making Clare tear up even more before she rewarded him with a small laugh at the end of Glen's speech and promised that she would.

Glen then politely excused himself, knowing that Clare needed time with her mom right now, and Helen ended up staying the entire night with Clare in her bed, just like when Clare was a little girl and Darcy would do something to upset her. And Helen's mind was also on Eli's dad…she had never met Eli's mom, but she couldn't imagine what they were going through right now. She knew that Eli was their only baby, and…a coma sounded serious. Really serious. So Helen asked God to let Eli come back to them. The poor boy may have been incredibly misguided, but he had always tried to look after Clare and he was always trying to do the right thing. It seemed to so unfair to Helen that even when he saved a girl's life – someone named Fiona, apparently – Eli still got misplaced and hurt. Time and time again.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Helen and Glen were doing some shopping at Safeway. They were just heading towards the meat aisle when Helen stopped in her tracks and whispered to Glen, "Those are Eli's parents, over there. The boy who is in the coma," she explained, and she looked at them sadly.

They both looked as if they weren't aware of the world around them, just tightly clutching each other's hand as they walked a little aimlessly through the fruit and vegetable section. Helen noticed that they both had huge bags under their eyes, and their eyes were extremely bloodshot. They weren't saying a word to each other, until she saw the lady who certainly was Eli's mom stop abruptly in front of a display made up of red delicious apples, and Helen heard her speak for the first time.

"Wait. We need these, they're Eli's favourite – he only likes this kind," and she was confused as to why her husband gave her a concerned look and sighed.

"We need them, we need them, we need them," Helen saw Eli's mom repeat as she hastily placed the apples in a plastic bag with tears in her eyes.

"How many should we get?" she then heard Eli's mom ask his dad, and she became a little uncomfortable when she saw Eli's dad not respond, which only made Eli's mom more frantic.

"We need…I think by Friday; Bullfrog by Friday he'll wake up, and then he'll need one for every day at school for sure, and maybe some more, so I'm going to get ten. Yes, ten, ten is good," the woman said as her husband just kept quiet and gently took her hand after she was finished.

And Helen realized what she meant. When she had first heard her talking about needing the apples because they were Eli's favourite, Helen's face had lit up at once – she thought it meant that God had helped Eli wake up, but…as she watched Eli's mother more closely, she could tell that…it was only wishful thinking on her part. She could tell that Eli's mom was beginning to…lose her grip on reality. And Helen couldn't blame her. A thing like the one that had happened to her…it could make a person lose their mind. She then felt Glen tightly place his arm around her and lead her down a different aisle, and she retreated into the comfort and safety of his embrace, making a note to pick up all the ingredients of Clare and Jake's favourite meals, because only upon seeing Eli's parents was she reminded of the blessing that having two healthy children in a home was.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Clare was just stuffing the homework books that she would need in her locker when she saw Jake walk up to her and she heard him playfully say,

"Hey. Let me drive you, sis," and Clare softly accepted his offer, because it was raining outside.

"I'm not going home though, I need a ride to –" Clare started, but Jake then gently cut her off,

"I know where you need to be. Don't worry about it. I'm going to get you there," and Clare smiled at him gratefully. Jake had the perfect qualities of a big brother; he was protective and more of a strong, silent type that was good for Clare in this moment.

Jake drove them there in silence and told Clare to give him a call when she needed to go back home, but she told him she'd rather walk, and Jake knew that that was a technique that Clare often used to clear her head, so he didn't push.

However, when Clare made her way through the now much too familiar hospital all the way to Eli's room and she opened the door…she was shocked to see an elderly lady in the bed instead, and she immediately apologized to the man and woman who were with her.

Why wasn't Eli in his room? It had been…three months since he was admitted here…just three months, her frantic mind told her. The nurse said, she had all but promised Clare that if she were to talk to him, he'd hang on twice as long as others, surely that had to be longer than three months, didn't it?

But why wasn't he here? _Oh God, where was he_? Clare's mind was racing and when she saw the pretty blonde nurse who she had come to know, Clare immediately grabbed her arm and a light film of tears invaded her eyes as she whispered, "Eli," and the nurse gave her a kind smile and said, "He was moved down to the basement".

"To the…_morgue_?" Clare whispered in horror, but the nurse's eyes widened at once and she emphatically said, "God, no, just…downstairs. 22B," the nurse said before Clare began walking there at top speed. She headed down the stairs and when she reached the basement, she immediately noted its colder temperature and when she saw Cece and Bullfrog standing in front of Imogen's dad with Adam also present, Clare ran over at once.

"What's going on?" she asked Adam, who looked very pale as he said, "I don't know, I saw Eli's parents drive by the school and I asked to go with them, but all of a sudden he was moved," and then they both watched as Imogen's dad put the clipboard that he was holding away and addressed Eli's parents.

"Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy, now you see, because of the connection to my daughter and to me by extension, Eli has been treated as…under outstanding circumstances; normally patients in his condition are brought down here after a month and a half. There's no easy way to say this," Dr. Moreno began as Clare felt her heart drop, "…but Eli's brain activity has been decreasing. The figures just…are not good. Three months. That's a persistent coma. It might be time to…start considering Eli's feelings towards…artificially extended life. I realize he was a young man; he might not have views on it, but it might be time to start thinking about it as a family," the doctor continued. Clare then saw all the blood drain from Cece's face as she rushed over to Eli's side and Clare could hear her saying something about how no one understands her baby boy.

Bullfrog rushed over to his wife while Clare held onto Adam as a series of running footsteps could be heard from the opposite direction and Clare saw Imogen and Liam holding hands. Imogen rushed over to her dad at once, who repeated the information to her and Clare saw her shake her head incredulously.

"Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy, do you have any questions?" Imogen's dad asked, and Bullfrog just quietly said, "We'll think about it," and when Dr. Moreno said, "I know it's a difficult decision, but in some cases it really is what's –" but he was interrupted by Imogen's sharp voice.

"Stop it daddy! They said they'll think about it for God's sake! Stop it! It's not like people haven't woken up from this kind of thing before, you know they have daddy, _you know they have_! Don't do this, not yet, okay?" and she just retreated into her dad's embrace as he patted her smooth hair down.

And seeing Imogen's strength made Clare realize that had Eli been able to see Imogen in that moment, he would have thanked her. Clare could now clearly see that…Imogen had always looked out for Eli.

Clare was the last person to leave Eli that night; everything felt so different for her now. Eli was not in a private room anymore; there were three other patients in this larger room now, and they were all old men. Putting him down here in the basement….it seemed like the final write-off from the doctors, and Clare wished she could snap out of this dream. This couldn't be reality. How could God let such a thing happen to a boy who had already suffered so much? And he never meant to harm anyone, Clare realized. All he ever wanted to do was to keep the people he loved safe.

If he was guilty of anything, Clare tearfully thought, it was of…loving too much.

Just as she was drawing Eli's blanket higher up his body, Clare heard the piercing cry of a baby come in the room, and when she turned around, she saw no one other than…that lady who had been driving the car that day, hanging onto a blue bundle that was clearly just a few days old.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the woman tearfully said. "I just…I was at the hospital," she said, gesturing towards her arms, "and….I wanted to see him," and Clare had a bit of trouble in the situation. She wanted to scream at the woman for putting Eli here, but…the baby in her arms unnerved Clare, and she realized how hard it must have been for the woman to do what she did. To come and see Eli.

"It's okay," was all that Clare chose to softly say.

"How is he doing?" she shyly asked.

"Badly. Really badly. Almost gone, I believe," Clare sincerely answered, because she could no longer take lying and denial.

She saw the woman flinch and she watched tears fall down her face.

"I'm sorry – God, I'm so sorry," Clare heard the woman say over and over again. "I saw his parents, and oh God –"the woman cried before her sobs got the best of her.

"And what did they say?" Clare asked, out of pure curiosity.

"They were…angels. Told me not to blame myself because…I had a baby to look after now. Told me to focus all my energy on my baby, because children are the most precious gift anyone can receive," she said as tears rushed down her face and her baby cried a little harder.

"Sounds just like them," Clare said with a faint smile, remembering Cece's warmth and Bullfrog's understanding.

"He can still wake up, right? He still has a chance…I mean he's hung on all this time," the woman said.

"See that man?" Clare asked, gesturing towards the patient next to Eli's bed. "Five months. The one next to him – six years. And the one next to him – eight years," because that's all that came to Clare's mind in that moment.

"You are his girlfriend?" the woman asked as her green eyes met Clare's.

"I was," Clare said with a sob. "But now…he won't ever get to know that I still loved him. That I never stopped. He'll think…that I hate him. And I can't blame him. The way I acted towards him after our break-up…it was awful," Clare admitted.

"You don't know that he feels that way. How can you know that?" the woman asked encouragingly.

"He does, I know he does. Fiona told me," Clare said, knowing that the woman didn't even know who Fiona was but simply not caring in that moment.

"I…I might have been driving faster than the limit for a school zone…I – I told his parents. I might have been doing thirty-one or thirty-two, but I can't be sure. I just can't be sure…but I just…I wanted them to know. They said it was okay, that one or two miles wouldn't have made a difference, but they deserved to know," the woman nervously said, and Clare just nodded, realizing that if the legal system hadn't held her responsible and Bullfrog and Cece could find forgiveness in their hearts, so could she. And she suspected that just like the thoughts that were going through her mind right now…none of this was relevant to Eli waking up. And that was the only thing that Clare cared about these days.

"His name is Eli," the woman tearfully sighed. "Can you…tell me about Eli? Just a little bit…what is he like? I wanted to ask his parents, but…his mom…I couldn't do that to her, she couldn't even look me in the eye," she asked. In that moment the woman's baby looked right at Clare and the teenage girl asked,

"You have a boy?" and the woman nodded in response.

"What is his name?" Clare asked.

"Ethan," the woman responded tearfully as she held her baby tighter.

"He has gorgeous green eyes," Clare whispered, more to herself than to the woman.

It then took Clare two whole minutes to answer the woman's question about Eli – Clare knew the word that she would use to describe Eli right away, but it took her that long to muster the willpower to say it out loud. And as she looked right in the green eyes of the newborn baby, Clare determinately said the one word that now characterized her Eli. And unlike months ago, it wasn't 'bipolar' or 'scary' or 'unpredictable' or 'crazy' or 'all wrong' or 'impulsive' or 'suffocating' or 'overprotective'.

"He's _perfect_. Just the way he is," Clare softly, but assertively said. "Perfect".

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Clare, your turn," Mrs. Dawes said, casting the girl a warm smile. Mrs. Dawes had noticed Clare changing ever since Eli's accident…and she wanted to be gentle to the girl.

"Okay," Clare quietly said and she walked up to the front and took a minute to straighten her jean jacket and channelled all of her inner strength, just like the only boy who had ever loved her had taught her to do over a year ago.

"_Last night I had a dream; one of those dreams that you hate waking up from because…it hurts. Because you want to stay in the imaginary world of the dream…because it's better than your reality. I dreamt that a wish was granted just for me. I had the right to ask for anything; but I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu. _

_I simply wished…for one more day with you. _

_One more day. One more time. One more starry night; maybe then I would be satisfied. _

_The first thing that I would do would be to pray for time to talk; then I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off. I'd hold you every second and say a million 'I love you's. That's what I would do with one more day with you. _

_But then again, I know what that would do – it would leave me wishing still…for one more day with you. "_

After the class' applause quieted down, Clare noticed the light film of tears in Mrs. Dawes' eyes and heard her once again favourite teacher breathe, "Well – welcome back, Miss Edwards," as she flashed Clare a proud look. Mrs. Dawes only wished that…someone else could hear Clare's piece as well.

"Yes!" the piercing cry reverberated throughout the entire classroom as everyone's attention turned from Clare and Mrs. Dawes to Fiona, who had been caught red handed, staring at her phone.

"Miss Coyne," Mrs. Dawes sharply said, "Got something that you'd like to share with the class?"

Fiona, however, didn't seem the least bit embarrassed or offended, she just smiled brightly as she stood up and raised her hands in the year and joyously exclaimed, "God, yes, I sure do – Eli's awake! He did it, he did it, he's awake!" and the class erupted in a series of incredulous gasps and smiles, laughter and hugs and cheers. Fiona headed straight for Adam's open arms, and then Clare embraced Adam as well, and…there was not one dry eye in the room within a minute.

"Mrs. Dawes," Clare asked after a minute, "Can I go tell Imogen and Liam? They'd want to know, they should know. She did so much for Eli," Clare insisted and Miss Dawes kindly allowed her to do so, and the cheers from the PE class could be heard through the window of the English room as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Mrs. Dawes hadn't realistically expected Fiona, Adam and Clare to stay in class for the remainder of the period, and she had let them slip away quietly, much to the chagrin of the other students. The group also met up with Liam and Imogen, both obviously very excited before they all headed for the University of Toronto Hospital. However, when they got to the hospital and Clare saw Cece's face have a color in it that she had almost forgotten existed while Bullfrog was playfully punching Imogen's dad's shoulder, she was told that Eli had only woken up for a few minutes, as was normal for the patients in his condition, before going to bed again. Clare had panicked when she had heard that, but Imogen's dad had gently explained that he was most certainly just going to bed this time and he would wake up in just a few hours. Then he had said the words that Clare now believed to be the most beautiful in the entire English language.

"He's out of the danger zone completely," and Imogen's dad had been met with tearful hug after tearful hug, but nothing was more valuable to the experienced surgeon than the kiss his own daughter had placed on his cheek; their relationship had been rather strained and he now knew that…his daughter looked at him like a hero, and his surgeon's God complex was rather fond of that.

"My guess is that he will be up in a few hours, but until then I'm afraid I can't permit anyone to go into his room – we are conducting a series of tests; we will need to monitor his body very closely as many things can happen after such a dormant state," Imogen's dad explained. "There is however, an issue," he added, as Clare felt her blood freeze.

He then continued, "When he woke up, I only told him that he was in the hospital because of a car crash, news that he reacted to very passionately. I did not tell him that he has been in a coma for the past three months; I never do upon the first wake-up because it is simply too overwhelming. The car crash is enough of a shock on its own. Right away, Eli asked me about someone named Julia and if she was all right, he was in a huge panic, –" Dr. Moreno said, and Clare's face lost its entire colour.

_ Eli…thought he was in the car accident that Julia was in?_

_ He didn't remember anything since then?_

Clare…wasn't sure that she could handle that. Eli would be expecting to see Julia then…not her. He wouldn't even know her. He'd have to live through Julia's death all over again, and how could Clare begin to explain who she was and what they had had when he would look as her as he would at a stranger?

Clare could feel everything spinning around her, but then she heard Dr. Moreno continue, "But then he instantly shook his head and put his hand to his temple and apologized – said he meant Fiona," and Clare exhaled deeply. "This is typical post-coma behaviour – confusing names, and we will need to test his brain to see which areas and functions have been affected," Dr. Moreno said, obviously not knowing about Julia.

"Wait," Bullfrog said. "Julia was my son's first girlfriend. She died in a car accident two year ago – Eli wasn't in the accident - but is his mind instantly associating Julia with a car accident? Fiona is a completely separate girl, fast forward two years, she's right here," Bullfrog explained as Fiona shyly raised her hand in slight confusion, having never heard about Julia.

"I see," Dr. Moreno continued. "I don't think that is too significant of a problem then – his memory must have gotten cloudy as 'car accident' was associated with Julia previously – but the fact that he _instantly_ corrected himself is a good sign. A very good one. The best actually. It means that he remembers everything literally up to the minute that he was hit," Imogen's dad explained.

"However, you will all need to be patient, gentle, and reassuring with him. This is only the beginning of his recovery. He has missed school for three months; he will feel as if he slept while life went on without him. This is a hard thing for anyone to process mentally and now, the fact that he is bipolar will come into play a lot more than previously. I am only a surgeon and I am not familiar with mental health, but I have no doubt that if Eli maintains the same support that I have seen over the last three months, he will have no issues. A bipolar diagnosis these days doesn't even mean that much in my opinion – but I'm a surgeon, please don't tell my colleagues I said such a thing," Dr. Moreno continued with a slight smile.

"I am assuming he will wake up in a few hours, and please be careful with him; don't overwhelm him; just the fact that he has missed three months of his life will be overwhelming enough," Dr. Moreno finally warned before he excused himself to attend to his other patients.

And just as the experienced doctor predicted, it was three hours before Eli woke up again; no one was allowed in his room, but a nurse soon came out and brought Dr. Moreno over to the assembled group, who told them that it could only be Eli's parents to see him as he did not want to allow multiple visits.

However, Cece and Bullfrog cast a look at the disappointed teens and they told the doctor that everyone could go in at once, a suggestion that Dr. Moreno only approved after everyone promised that they would be on their best behaviour.

And then….just like that, Cece opened the door, softly saying, "Eli? Baby boy?" and when Clare heard his voice ask "Mom?" she felt tears running down her face as well.

_His voice. _

It was _his voice_.

And…_his eyes_. As he lifted his head off the pillow…_God, his eyes were back_, just as green as ever, just as lucid and shining with intelligence and wit as ever.

Eli was clearly taken aback to see everyone, but he did not look confused as to who they were, much to Clare's relief. Cece immediately hugged her son as Bullfrog and Eli slowly bumped fists and Clare could tell that despite his playful,

"You rose from the dead, kiddo!" Eli's dad was very emotional.

"Yeah…" Eli said as he slowly stood up, rubbing his temple the entire time. He was so…confused, and skinny, Clare noted as she wondered if a heart could actually break into a million little pieces. All of the teens were standing at the foot of his bed while Eli's parents tightly clutched him.

"Oh, baby boy, are you hungry? I brought all your favourites, I have them right here," Cece tearfully said as she placed a paper bag on the small table beside Eli's bed as he kept rubbing his temples.

Clare heard his throaty voice say, "_Starving_ actually," and she then saw him scan everyone's eyes as he said, "Hey," and they all softly echoed his greeting.

Clare saw that Eli seemed…surprised that she was here, his head tilting ever so slightly back as she knew he was trying to reason that one out. And she couldn't blame him.

However, as Cece was brightly taking out the meal that she had prepared for Eli, Clare saw him run his fingers across his chin and jaw, and he then said,

"So…I don't even have a car and I get into an accident, I really have special skills," and Clare couldn't believe that…he was making a joke. Here he was, acting as if this was the most normal circumstance in the world and…he was cracking a joke.

She then saw Eli seriously glare at Fiona and he asked, "Fi? You okay? I pushed you, I was scared I'd crack your head open, I pushed you so hard, I didn't even see you land," and Fiona let out a playful frustrated groan before answering,

"God, Eli, you didn't see me land because _you got run over by the car_! _Why_ would you do something like that, silly boy?" Fiona asked as she traveled to his bedside.

"Meh, no big deal," Eli smugly answered with a wave of his hand. "I didn't want you to get hurt," he continued.

"Eli, Eli…just…you're so stupid!" Fiona said before her voice broke and she gave Eli a tight hug.

"Hey – I'm all right – nothing can get me, I'm like a smooth cat, can't you tell? Not a knife, not a car crash, not a gun, not _being hit_ by a car –" Eli was playfully saying, before his mom's sobs caused his face to drop.

"Eli Goldsworthy, I never want to test out the remaining lives again," he heard Bullfrog sternly tell him, and Clare was glad to see his dad being so strict here.

"Dad…I wasn't trying to get myself killed. I thought I'd have enough time to get away. What did you want me to do, stand there and watch as my friend gets run over by a car? Do you _seriously_ think I could have lived after that?" Eli asked, and an eerie silence took over the room.

"I know son, I know," Bullfrog then replied as Eli closed his eyes and winced for a minute.

Clare then saw Eli bring his hand to his chin and jaw and she watched him look at Cece thoughtfully and he then said,

"So…I definitely need a shave. I've been in here a couple of days, haven't I? Mom…you look really skinny, are you okay? And Fiona…your hair is so long. What's going on guys, how long was I out?" Eli asked, and Clare realized that you really couldn't get anything past him. He had caught on so quickly.

"Baby boy…it was…three months," Cece whispered.

"What the hell? Are you serious? What month is it?" Eli asked incredulously.

"December," Adam said.

"You've gotta be kidding me – you guys are just playing a prank on me, right? Not funny, Torres," Eli shot, but the serious looks on everyone's faces told him that…it had really happened. Clare also saw him look out the window and gasp when he saw the December snow.

"I was like…in a coma or something?" Eli asked.

"_Persistent coma_ you fool, and don't you ever get in one again," Imogen then piped up.

"Imogen," Eli sighed as he looked over at her, "My doctor…he was your dad, wasn't he?" as he put together the pieces of the puzzles slowly – he knew Imogen's dad's profession.

"Yep, daddy helped you out just a little," Imogen said with a playful wink.

"Thank you," Eli emphatically said before he added, "You've done so much for me, Imo, and I…I can't ever repay you," but Imogen just playfully shook her head and said, "Don't worry about it, Eli".

Eli then caught Imogen and Liam's interlocked hands and for the first time…a smirk appeared on his face, a sight that made Clare smile brightly.

Eli then slyly said, "Well, I can see I certainly missed _some_ developments while I was…sleeping," while Imogen slightly blushed and Eli held out his fist for Liam, who happily obliged.

"You finally got the guts to do it," Eli said as his smirk only got larger.

"Life's too short," Liam responded as Eli nodded back, looking very pleased with himself at seeing his two new friends so happy together. And that sight made Clare realize….just how much of Eli's life she had been missing lately.

"I can't believe I missed three freaking months," Eli sighed.

"Well, time to get you caught up, dude," Adam replied with a smile, holding out three new issues of all of Eli's favourite comic books, a present that Eli enthusiastically accepted.

"Good thing is I don't have to suffer the wait now – I have a back log – sweet!" he joyously declared, and Clare absolutely loved seeing him so…at ease and happy. This was her Eli, she thought, and now she felt bad for not bringing him anything. She had simply been too eager to see him to consider presents.

Liam then stepped forward and pulled out a group of CDs from his backpack saying, "And while you were sleeping, some cool new albums came out. If we can't track down a CD player in this godforsaken place, I'll drop one by tomorrow," he said with a smile.

"Thanks, Liam," Eli gratefully said, leaning back against his pillow as he breathed somewhat heavily. This gesture made everyone recall Dr. Moreno's words that he would get tired easily and that he should be allowed his rest, so they all promised to come back tomorrow. Clare felt rather disappointed that she wouldn't get to talk to Eli, but just as she was about to walk out the door, she heard him faintly say,

"Wait. Clare," and she let out a deep breath as Eli's parents encouraged her to stay and she closed the door slowly and took a seat in a chair by his bed.

"You should rest," she shyly said, because he really did look tired, even though he looked so…alive. He was breathing on his own, and talking, and joking, and his lips were now pink and not pale, and there was a hint of red on his cheeks, and…it was everything she had ever wanted. Seeing him like this.

"Thank you for coming. So nice of you," Eli gently said, because he thought that were he to share his real thoughts, and tell Clare that it meant so much to him, she would misinterpret this as an unwanted advance, and that…hardness that he despised so much would return to her body.

"Eli," Clare shakily breathed, "I'm just glad you're okay. But rest now, okay?" she insisted.

"Sounds like all I've been doing is…resting. For the past three months. I'm okay," he said, before a fit of coughs overtook him, and Clare quickly helped him pour some water from the pitcher on his bedside table into a cup and he quickly drank it.

"Just…thank you, Clare. For everything," Eli emphatically said. "I realize now that life is even more fragile than I thought, and I'd hate to…not have a chance to tell you something that I have wanted to say to you for so long," Eli said, and Clare held her breath. He was going to tell her the same thing that she wanted to tell him, Clare reflected.

But then he spoke.

"I'm sorry, Clare. I've wanted to apologize to you for a really long time; it was just a really hard bridge for me to cross…to _really _talk to you. And I am – really sorry. For everything that I put you through. Before our break-up and after, with the play and everything. I should have just stayed away. I wish I had then the lucidity I have now. I know my words may not mean very much to you – how could they after everything that I have done – but…just I'm sorry and thank you. And I promise I'll stay away from now on," Eli said, crushing Clare's heart completely.

He wanted closure. He was no longer interested in having anything to do with her. He wanted to…apologize.

And for the first time in a long time, Clare sincerely evaluated the time since their break-up and she found that…she could not blame Eli for feeling this way.

But…had the events of the past three months not occurred, she would have accepted his apology and walked away. But they had happened, and they had awakened latent feelings in Clare that she could no longer deny.

"No, Eli, it's not all your fault. I'm sorry too. I was awful. Horrible, just horrible. I'm sorry too…I did things the wrong way," she said emphatically, and she was relieved to see Eli nodding at once, his hand gripping his temple as he said,

"Okay. Don't worry, I understand. For the record…I don't blame you. My behaviour was all over the place, totally erratic, I crossed so many lines," he continued through a painful grimace.

"Are you okay?" Clare asked in concern.

"I'm fine, just…ugh, I'm getting these headaches – doctor said they'd be part of the recovery process," Eli answered.

"How long is the recovery process?" Clare asked.

"A few months. But they told me I could probably go back to school in the new semester, and I am _definitely _doing that," Eli insisted.

"Well, don't rush back if you're not up for it. This way…I can get you for one more semester, at Degrassi…with me," Clare shyly said, wanting to head down this avenue.

"I need to graduate on time. I don't know how it's going to happen, but it will. Fiona and I are walking across that stage together if it's the last thing we do," Eli emphatically said. "I'm graduating with my class, because I want to – I _need to_ – go to college. It's all that's important to me right now – graduating on time," Eli said with a clear determination in his eyes, and Clare couldn't help but feel a bit…deflated at his answer. He had completely shut down the possibility of them spending any time together for a second longer than necessary.

Clare knew that Eli had all the reason in the world to be hesitant. But she realized she didn't want to waste any more time. So she just jumped.

"Eli – this whole thing made me realize something that I have been in denial about. I miss us, Eli, and I definitely miss my friend. I made so many mistakes, and I'm wondering if you can ever forgive me," she plainly said.

"You're already forgiven," Eli declared at once as their gazes locked.

"And…we could start again? Even just as friends? God, Eli, I miss my friend," Clare tearfully said.

"Don't cry," Eli softly told her. "Clare…" he sighed as she realized that…this was going all wrong.

Eli then continued, "I…I can't. I just _can't_. I think it's best that…you and I go our separate ways now. I mean, do you have a boyfriend right now? It's been another three months, and…what we had…time has left it behind. Too many things have happened now. And I can't be just your friend," Eli gritted out, as tears rolled down her face.

"Don't cry, please," Eli pleaded, feeling his heart break upon seeing Clare in this state.

"No, I'm not, I'm not. I'm crying because I'm happy – I'm just happy you're better, that's all," Clare lied.

"Clare…I just- please understand, that I…I can't. You're only saying this in a moment of stress - we're both impulsive, we do things like this. But I'm fine, and you're not responsible for anything, and you don't really want to be back together with me. Don't feel bad about anything. It's just…it is what it is. And I just…I can't," Eli said as he turned on his side, because he didn't want Clare to see his tears.

Saying no to her like this was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. But he didn't want to drag her into this, especially when he thought she was only doing this because of the extraordinary circumstances. He knew it would be a mistake to get back together this way, and he thought that the girl didn't love him, so he reasoned that there was no reason why they should get back together.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The next few days went by in a blur for Clare. She…could only replay Eli's words over and over and over again in her mind, and when combined with her past actions, she saw the congruency in his thinking. And she knew that she had lost her chance. Eli thought she didn't love him, and there was nothing she could do to change his mind, she realized….because actions speak louder than words.

And her actions…had been cruel.

She had been heinous towards the only boy who had ever loved her and who had fought tenaciously to make her happy. He did everything she asked and treated her so well and she…broke his heart.

And now he had a right to heal. Eli had spent two constant years in recovery, more or less, and she knew that this latest setback had taken a toll on his recently found state of balance. Again and again, Eli always had to start from ground zero.

Just a few blocks away from Degrassi, Eli was completing his last physiotherapy session. His past few days had also been a blur – to opening his fridge and finding stacks of bottles of Coke which had caused him to curiously ask his mom just why she had so many, to coming into his room and finding his laundry all magically done – every single item of clothing that he owned had been washed and dried and ironed…it all made Eli realize what a toll the past events had taken on his parents, and his first night at home…he crawled into bed with his mom and dad, just like he used to when he was little and upset over Mike's cruel torments.

But the very next morning, Cece and Bullfrog saw their son's characteristic strength return to him as she declared that he was off to call the school to set up an appointment with Principal Simpson so he could see if he could work out some type of arrangement. Eli knew that he would have a whole semester's worth of credits to catch up on, but he would gladly work his way through the assignments during Christmas break if it meant he could graduate through his class. He didn't want anyone to take pity on him; he was determined to complete every single assignment that his classmates had also done, and he planned on doing it all thoroughly. He also apologized to his dad for leaving the radio station without an intern, and he refused his parents' insistent offers of buying him the black Lincoln. Bullfrog told Eli that they almost bought it while he was sleeping as they now called it, and Eli had told them that he would have been furious had they done that. Eli wanted to earn every penny that was needed for the car himself, and he paid a visit to the used car lot and much to his delight, the Lincoln was still there. It if had waited for him this long, Eli felt that it would wait from him a few more months; he planned on returning to work just after winter break – if he would manage to finish all of his credits in time. He knew that if he told anyone that he was fully confident that the Lincoln was definitely waiting for him, they'd say it was the bipolar in him coming out, but…to Eli it made sense; he felt a certain camaraderie between himself and the car.

So on this particular snowy Toronto Friday – the last day before Christmas break - Eli took a deep breath and entered through the doors of Degrassi Community School on his way to visiting every teacher to pick up his assignments, and he wondered how he could…almost miss the school if he knew he couldn't consciously be aware of being away while he was…in his coma, words that still felt foreign in his mouth. He knew he didn't have much time here - he had his last round of tests at the hospital in just two hours- so he hurried in to see Mr. Purino first.

Meanwhile, Clare Edwards was thoughtfully sitting in Mrs. Dawes' quiet classroom as the class had received free time to work on a composition, but…the worlds were just not coming to Clare. And then…she heard it. She heard a knock on the door…and there he was, looking of a healthy weight now, his cheeks red, and his green eyes shining as he flashed Mrs. Dawes a smirk and the teacher lost her composure and embraced Eli at once, a move that caught him by surprise, Clare could tell – his eyebrow was raised in that adorable way of his.

The class also lost its composure and as Mrs. Dawes walked Eli to the desk at the front of her room, people gave him high fives and told him that it was so great to see him again. Clare just watched it all with a sad smile on her face, Eli giving her just a shy small wave that she returned.

Clare watched Mrs. Dawes explain the familiar assignments of the entire semester and Eli just nodded politely; Clare could tell that this would be the class that he would have no trouble catching up in; Eli obviously understood all of the assignments very well and he was gone quickly, making Clare feel the loss at once.

But what Clare didn't know was that Mrs. Dawes had purposefully slipped in a copy of her latest assignment as well – 'One More Day,' with her name clearly printed at the top.

What Clare didn't know what that as Eli went to his locker and smirked to find everything still in it, Drew approached him and after giving him what Drew termed a 'bro-hug,' he laughed and said that it was a good thing that Clare had stopped him and Katie from clearing it, and then proceeded to recount that entire episode for Eli.

What Clare didn't know was that as Eli returned to the hospital for a quick visit, he didn't recognize the woman holding a baby who was there for his check-ups as she emotionally sighed and tears rolled down her face when she saw him…so alive, so young, so strong and so healthy.

What Clare didn't know was that as a pretty blonde nurse took Eli's blood sample, she asked him where the pretty girl with the gorgeous curly hair was, as she had spent so much time reading to him when he was in his coma. And when Eli had confusedly remarked that he never would have thought Fiona would get the idea to read to him, what Clare didn't know was that the nurse remembered her name and said, "No, I think her name was Clare. I'm sure you know who I mean – she came here _every day_ after school, listened to some music on her big black headphones, and read to you, holding your hand the entire time. I'm sure you know who, it's plain as day she absolutely loves you".

Clare didn't know those things, but at the end of the day, Eli now did.

And they left his mind completely reeling; he couldn't imagine Clare doing those things after the semester that they had had.

And Eli didn't sleep a wink that night, as everything became clear to him.

He knew what he had to do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare was lying in her bed, trying to focus on a book when she heard her phone vibrating, and she picked it up at once, eager to press its 'ignore' button. She didn't want to talk to anyone.

And the she saw the caller ID. It was a number that was now completely gone out of her call log and text messages…a number that was inactive, Clare knew…for the past three months.

And she didn't care that Alli would say to wait three rings to not look desperate. She was done taking Alli's advice.

"Eli," Clare eagerly said into the phone, "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Hey Clare. I feel great," he honestly answered. "Easing back into things. But I'm calling because I'm asking if I can take you out to lunch…as a friendly thank you. Wherever you want," Eli said and Clare felt a huge smile stretch across her face.

"I'd love that, Eli," she breathed in relief.

"Awesome," Eli replied, "Well, whenever you want – bonus of being comatose is that I made no plans for three months in advance," Eli joked as Clare rewarded him with a giggle…and in that moment, both of them felt like they had never been apart.

Eli expected Clare to give him a day next week or even further away. He never expected her to say,

"How about in an hour?" with such excitement in her voice.

But he agreed right away. He couldn't help it; making Clare happy was like an impulse to him; it just…needed to be done.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jake heard the doorbell ring and he quickly walked to the door and swung it open to reveal…Eli, and he immediately put two and two together and understood the squeals that had come from upstairs just an hour ago as Clare tried on different dresses for her mom. Clare…was excited about Eli. Jake hadn't exactly seen this one coming until Eli had his accident, but he learned to accept it, the task never taking much effort on his part. He felt rather awkward about his and Clare's relationship now – it was a bit weird for everyone to find out they were now brother and sister and no longer boyfriend and girlfriend – Jake wasn't one for labels, and he had heard Clare refer to the two of them as this, but had never employed the terms himself. Besides, Jake had moved on easily, to casual agreements that represented things that he was much more comfortable with, so the fact that Eli seemed to be a presence in Clare's life didn't bother him. Eli seemed a lot more…together these days, anyway.

"Hey man," Jake greeted him, and his smile put Eli at ease at once. "She's upstairs, don't expect her to be ready any time soon," Jake said as he rolled his eyes, and Eli cast him a smirk in response. "You doing well?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, all better," Eli responded as his smirk got larger and Jake nodded and sincerely told Eli, "Glad to hear it. Gave the entire school a scare there," as Eli shrugged his shoulders.

"Eli! Hello!" Helen joyously exclaimed as she emerged from the kitchen, surprising Eli by giving him a hug. The moment in which she had seen Eli's broken parents in the supermarket was engrained in Helen's memory for ever, and she loved seeing him so…alive and well.

"Hi ma'am, it's good to see you," Eli said, not sure if Clare's mom had changed the name after her wedding, and using the more generic term just to be safe. He didn't want to screw up and offend her. He wanted to give a good second first impression; his first one had been enough for Clare's mom to ban him from entering his home, but she had somehow managed to ignore that.

"Well, Eli, you look fantastic. I'm really glad to see you on your feet, you know," Helen warmly told him as Jake returned to his own room, leaving just Clare's mom and Eli together.

"Thank you," Eli politely replied.

"Is everything going well?" Helen asked after she said Clare should be right down.

"It is; keeping busy with all my catch-up assignments for school," Eli replied.

"You're going to catch up with the entire semester?" Helen asked in surprise.

"That's the plan. I need to if I want to graduate on time and get to college on time and everything," Eli explained.

"Well, that sounds like an ambitious plan, Eli. I'm sure you can do it, you are a very intelligent boy. Good for you for setting high standards," Helen said as she gave Eli an encouraging smile.

"Thank you," Eli replied, and the determination in his voice made Helen give him another smile.

And just in that moment, Clare came down the stairs, and the vision of perfection took Eli's breath away. She was not dressed formally or in a very fancy way, but Eli had never needed anything but just…her, just the way she was. He took in her dark skinny jeans and silky blue dress shirt, its fabric perfectly accentuating her beautiful figure, and he loved the white flower headband that Clare had inserted into her bouncy curls. What Eli didn't know was that the shiny pink lip gloss and the beautifully smoky eyes that struck him at once were the result of Helen's work, not that such details mattered to him. All that mattered to him was…Clare, and there she was, right in front of him, ready to have him take her out for a meal.

"You look so pretty, Clare," Eli burst out before he could help himself, which caused him to awkwardly stumble, "Um, I just –" but his heart skipped a beat when Clare giggled and coyly blushed, asserting, "Thanks, Eli".

Out of the corner of her eye Clare could see her mom smiling at her, Helen understanding a lot more than her daughter gave her credit for. Ever since the night when she had held her daughter's crying form tightly, Helen understood that…Eli was the boy for Clare. And she was glad that he had gotten the help he needed and had found his peace, and Helen wasn't going to stand in their way. If anything, she had resolved to always be there for her daughter, knowing that Clare would need patient reassurance and help from her mother. She was a teenage girl; relationships were relatively new to her and she needed her mother's guidance. Helen now realized this, and she vouched to be there for her daughter.

"Where are you two going?" Helen asked out of curiosity.

"Little Miss Steaks, ma'am. Clare's choice," Eli said with a smug little wink that caused Clare to erupt in even more giggles.

"Oh, have a lovely time. Do you two need a ride?" Helen asked, as she had nowhere to be.

"Actually, if it's okay with you ma'am, I'm going to be driving my dad's MGB. I have driven it a couple of times since being back home, and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I'm still a few more paycheques away from earning this car that I really like. But if you're not okay with you, I can just as easily call a cab, I don't want you to have to drop everything just to drive us," Eli explained and Helen was touched by the boy's sensitivity and politeness; this was something she had always remarked in Eli.

"No, Eli, that's quite all right. I trust you to take care of Clare when you take her out," she said with a reassuring wave of her hand.

"Thank you," Eli emphatically told Helen, and the look in his eye immediately told her than having her trust meant the world to the boy. He then added, "And I have literally been tested for reaction times and such more than anybody on this planet, I can guarantee you there's _no one_ out there in better driving form than me," Eli said with a chuckle that was met by both Helen and Clare.

"Well, all right then you two better be on your way," Helen warmly said and Eli then held the door open for Clare, and just a few minutes later, he held the door to his dad's MGB open for her, and just sitting next to her in the car after he turned the heat on to be sure that Clare would be nice and warm…he could smell her flowery perfume invade his senses. But he didn't feel…lost in Clare. He felt very much in control of himself and of his thoughts.

"How are you feeling, Eli?" Clare eagerly asked him as she watched him drive with only one hand, his green eyes expertly scanning the road.

"Great. No more physio, last hospital check-up…I feel…free. And I like that feeling," Eli softly said.

"I'm so glad, Eli," Clare said with a wistful little smile. "And you're going to spend most of the summer doing catch-up work? You worked it out so you don't have to lose the semester?" Clare inquired.

"That was the best part; the teachers said that if I can finish all of the assignments that you guys have already done, I can come back and take my spot with everyone else. I really want to," Eli said as he clutched the steering wheel tightly.

"And you will, Eli. You can do anything you set your mind to. Just tell me if there's anything you need, okay?" Clare warmly asked him, making Eli's knees a little weak…the phrasing of that sentence was so familiar to a particular moment on Clare's couch when Eli had opened himself completely to her in a way that he hadn't done to anyone since Julia's passing.

"I…I think I'll be fine," Eli answered, because he was so desperately afraid of repeating the same dependency issues.

And his answer saddened Clare; they had always been a team. And now…Eli was doing everything on his own. But Clare recognized that graduating on time represented…normalcy for Eli. He didn't want to feel different from everyone else, she could tell, and he had been in a quest after normalcy for so long. Clare realized that…she only really wanted Eli to succeed and be happy.

"Okay," she sadly responded, and Eli picked up on her tone at once, so he playfully asked,

"Well, I might need some clarification on some English assignments – Fiona kind of suffers from short term memory loss when it comes to school sometimes," Eli joked and the car was immediately filled with his favourite sound; Clare's laughter, bright and energetic and just as sparkly as the Christmas ornaments that adorned the display windows of Queen's Street.

The drive to the restaurant only took a few more minutes, and Eli held the door open for Clare and a few minutes later, the hostess seated them at a booth in the back at Clare's request. They both placed their orders quickly, and Clare giggled as she watched Eli drink about half of his Coke in one sip, and he just rolled his eyes in response and said,

"Give me a break – all I lived on for a while was that hospital's vegetable cocktail," as he grimaced and Clare's laughter only got louder.

"So weird that it's already Christmas," Eli remarked as he looked around at the decorations, and he caught the look of compassion in Clare's eyes as she replied,

"I still can barely believe that you were in a coma, I can't imagine how you feel".

"It's literally like I slept for three months. I remember pushing Fiona out of the way, and the next thing I remember is some doctor telling me I was in a car accident. Made me think I was transported back in time to two years ago for a second there," Eli shyly admitted, and Clare was surprised to see him talk about…Julia so directly and openly. It was then that she realized that with his therapy, Eli…had changed a little. For the better. He wasn't so…closed off anymore.

Their food arrived just in that minute, and Clare tried out her perfectly cooked pasta dish as she watched Eli hungrily bite into a burger and more giggles escaped her.

"I don't know what it is, but it's like…I'm hungry _all the time now_," he said, widening his eyes after he wiped his mouth.

Eli then continued, "Can you pass me the…the…" and Clare raised an eyebrow as she watched Eli grimace as his face scrunched up in confusion and he pressed his hand to his temple.

"The…ketchup?" Clare suggested, and Eli nodded, looking extremely embarrassed.

Clare then gently said, "Are some words hard now, Eli? They don't come easy?" understanding what she had just witnessed.

Eli then shyly nodded and said, "I didn't suffer any memory damage, thank goodness – can you imagine? The doctor just says that for the first month this might happen a few times," and as she looked into his eyes, Clare felt…Eli's fear. She knew that Eli was a writer…and this is why he was so scared.

"It's okay, Eli. It's not a big deal – you'll get through it. The doctors say it's not permanent, right?" and he nodded and seemed to gather all of his strength back up.

"Yeah, it will be fine – they said just for four weeks or so. I'll get through it. But in the meantime, God, I'm just starving all the time," he said playfully.

"Your body is getting is strength back," Clare suggested with a shrug.

"I lost a little bit of weight, so I'm gonna milk that for all its worth and then I probably need to come back down to earth and start living like a normal person again," Eli said with a smirk as Clare giggled even louder.

"You did lose a lot of weight, right around the third week or so you started, and then it just kept going and going," Clare absent mindedly said, as she stared at her fork, not realizing that she had betrayed her secret.

But Eli's next comment proved to her that he already knew what she had not told him.

"Clare…I know you came to see me. Every day. The nurses told me, and…when they said that, I can't even begin to tell you what I felt. It meant…it meant the world to me. And all of the other things that you did – your English paper, my locker…all of those things," Eli plainly said as Clare's striking blue eyes slowly met his own.

"I missed you," Clare shakily breathed, because this was the only explanation that really was.

"Clare…it just…it was amazing. Everything that you did for me, when I couldn't look after myself. I got you something, just because it's Christmas and I saw it in a store as I walked by, and it just reminded me of you. I know I don't get to buy you presents anymore, but…just this once," Eli said, breaking Clare's heart.

He then held out a small blue velvet jewellery box to her, and simply said, "Open it".

"Eli, you didn't have to get me anything," she said, obviously surprised at his gesture.

"I _wanted to_," Eli replied immediately. "Open it," he repeated.

Clare took the small box in the hands that Eli knew were so delicate and so soft, and his heart skipped a beat when she gasped upon opening it.

"Eli…it's so beautiful," she shakily breathed.

"You like it?" he asked, victory pouring from his voice.

"I love it. Can you help me put it on?" she asked, and Eli moved to her booth at once. As he joined the interlocking pieces, he was overcome by Clare's sweet scent and had to consciously focus his energies onto the rather simple task.

He then walked back to his own side of the booth, and he took in the delicate gold chain and the blue angel pendant that hung from it and that now gracefully rested against Clare's soft skin, nestled in between the tips of her collar bones.

"So beautiful," he declared at once, and Clare shot him her characteristic coy out-from-under gaze and blushed ever so slightly, making a produced smirk appear on Eli's face.

"Thank you, Eli. It's the most special piece of jewellery I own," a remark that shocked Eli, considering that her purity ring was currently resting on her finger, and the angel necklace was sharing her neck with her cross necklace.

"No, Clare – _thank you_. Thank you for looking over me when I was…sleeping, shall we say. A real life angel," Eli softly said, his gaze fixed with Clare's the entire time. He then continued, "You never gave up on me. When everyone was saying I was a goner and doctors were saying to take me off of life support, _you never gave up on me_. You're an angel," he said, his voice breaking ever so slightly at the end.

"No, I'm not," Clare immediately shot back, the movement of her brown tussles from side to side as she shook her head captivating Eli.

"But you are," he gently told her.

"Eli…the way I treated you…the way I broke up with you and everything that came after….it was…monstrous behaviour, Eli. Monstrous," Clare shyly said, finally conceding to her innermost feelings.

"Clare…do you remember the craze that I was on with the play? God, I'm so ashamed, Clare, I can't even…I'm so embarrassed just thinking about it. I was the awful one, and I'm really sorry. For everything. I put you through so much, and hurt you so much, and…I just wish I could take it back. Take it all back," Eli sighed.

"It's okay, Eli. I'm sorry too – you're not the only bad guy. Please…Eli, I'm so sorry," Clare tearfully said.

"Clare…it's okay. I forgive you," he plainly said, because he knew hearing it so clearly was what Clare needed.

"I forgive you too, Eli," Clare said with a shining smile. "And…I want you to know that I never loved Jake. I was…being a stupid girl with all of that. I was living in another world, and I can't believe I made you suffer like that," Clare added.

"It's okay, Clare. How are things at home?" Eli asked, his green eyes flooding with compassion as Clare felt her heart swell at Eli's question.

"Things are…balanced at home now," Clare said with a smile.

"I'm so glad to hear that, Clare. Jake seems like the good big brother type," Eli added.

"He is. Definitely not the boyfriend type. Not for me, anyway. He never quite…I don't know how to say it," Clare stumbled.

"Understood you?" Eli suggested, his mouth getting ahead of his brain.

"Exactly!" Clare emphatically said. "See, you get it, Eli. You've always gotten it," she sighed, wishing she could turn back time.

"You look good, Eli," Clare continued. "Your therapy…did it make you feel better?" she shyly asked.

"It did. It took a long time for me to get diagnosed and on the proper meds, but once it finally happened…it felt _so _good. I knew that things were under my control at that point, I have coping techniques, I…just feel in control, you know? That was my biggest problem, not feeling in control of my own life, which left me grasping at straws, crashing hearses and such," Eli said with a little smirk, making Clare realize just how insightful he was. He had really gotten everything together, and…stood up for himself.

"Eli…I'm so proud of you for getting better so quickly. All on your own. You're amazing, Eli," Clare praised him, and the sincerity in her tone made Eli feel…like he could do whatever he wanted to.

"Thank you, Clare. That means a lot to me, coming from you. I'm just sorry things had to happen the way they did – I wish I could have gotten proper help before I ever met you and then maybe things could have worked out differently," Eli sighed, staring off into space and imagining an alternate universe where such a thing was possible.

"Eli…you tried so hard with me. To always make me happy; it's not just your fault. I was stubborn and rash; who knows how I would have acted, no matter what you did. But you – all you wanted to do was make me happy and keep me safe and well looked after, right?" Clare asked him point blank, and she saw his cheeks get the faintest of blushes as he nodded.

"You're an amazing guy, Eli," Clare repeated.

"And you're an amazing girl, Clare. And I…I miss my friend," Eli confessed, and Clare broke out in a bright smile. She took a sip of her lemon water before confidently saying,

"Eli. I can't just be your friend. I like you too much," with a shrug that made Eli want to kiss her right then and there.

Clare watched his surprised look turn into a smirk and he took a minute before he smugly said, "So, you like me too much, huh?"

"Nope," Clare said, looking around teasingly for a minute before she said, "I don't _like_ you. I _love_ you, Eli. I _always have_; I never stopped, and if you'd give me another chance, I would be the luckiest girl in the world".

"And if you gave _me_ another chance, I'd be the luckiest guy in the world," with a huge smirk.

"Done," Clare shot back at once.

"You think we can do this?" Eli asked, placing his hand on the table and Clare reached for it at once.

"I know we can do this; there's not a doubt in my mind. I watched you get stronger all on your own, Eli, and I watched you do the hardest thing out there for a human being to do – you conceded to innermost self, admitted that there was a problem, and you fixed it. You're the kindest, strongest, most supportive person I know. The love and courage that you give me…Eli, that's the greatest gift. You'd never leave me alone; you're the most dependable person I have ever met, and I hurt you time and time again. But never again, Eli, _never again_, I love you. We're only going to be better this time around – only stronger," Clare said, and the determination and strength in her voice reminded Eli so much of the first time that they met. This was his Clare, he realized, right in front of him.

"Clare…confession time – I've…I've missed you too, enormously. You were never just a girl to me; you were my best friend; that's why it was so hard for me to let you go; I've always wanted something like…what my parents have. They met in college and became really good friends before they dated. And then they…stayed by each other's side through everything, and…that's what I want to have one day too. The love and loyalty my mom shows my dad…it's what I want to give too," Eli confessed.

"Eli, me too. I want to fall in love with my best friend too, and I already have," Clare said as she gave his hands a squeeze.

"Me too, Clare. You're my best friend, and I love you so much," Eli repeated as Clare saw his eyes get slightly red.

"Get over here, Edwards," he then continued, tipping his head to the right as Clare giggled incessantly and got up so she could come over and rest on his lap. She felt Eli's arms snake around her waist at once and she burrowed deeper into his embrace, burying her face in his neck for one second, feeling his scent overtake her…the scent that she had missed so much. She kept her left hand around his neck while she trailed her right down his chest, causing Eli's entire body to shiver ever so slightly, and she rested his palm right against the steady beating of her heart, surprising Eli by placing a kiss just above her hand, against his smooth black shirt. She was just so glad to be able to physically _feel_ its beat.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," she whispered over and over again, hugging him as tightly as possible, and she felt Eli place the gentlest of kisses against her curls.

"Clare…I'm going to try so hard. I want to be a better man for you, I only want to treat you properly from now on," she heard him say.

And those words caused her to pull out of their embrace just a little bit so she could lock his gaze with Eli's. She interlocked her hands behind his neck for a second as she whispered,

"Eli. Look at me," and she then ran her right hand through his dark hair as she softly told him, "_I_ am the one who is going to try hard here. I am going to show you that I deserve your trust –"

"You've already shown me that -" Eli asserted immediately.

Clare gently placed a finger over his lips as he quieted down and she softly continued, "And I'm going to _keep_ showing you that," and she gently leaned in and pressed her lips to Eli's. She felt his entire body relax at once, and his hands began gently massaging her hips in the most pleasurable of ways. The kiss was soft and slow and gentle and everything that made Clare comfortable and happy and…feeling like herself. The way that Eli's lips moved against hers and the way that he gently, but securely hung onto her body told Clare that he would never abandon her or leave her misplaced or hurt. He would never break her heart. As she moved her hand down his chest, she could actually feel his heart's speed increase, a testament that caused her to moan softly into the kiss, and Eli took advantage of this opportunity to deepen it at once, feeling Clare's body press up against his as they met over and over again with patient trust and passionate union. When they finally had to pull away, the sparkle in each other's eyes told them both exactly what they needed to know…it had felt like they had never been apart, yet there was a strength in their gaze now that had never been present before. In that moment, Eli knew that Clare's theory had been correct. They were going to be _even better_.

"God, I love you," Eli breathed as they pulled away, his chest rising and falling faster than normal. He noticed Clare's was doing the same thing, and he widened his eyes a little when he felt her slip her hands under his shirt and lightly graze his stomach. She had only done this one previous time, and never in public, even if the restaurant was rather empty and their little darkened booth was far out of sight. Clare giggled mischievously when she saw Eli's eyes flutter a little at her touch, and she leaned in for another kiss that was just as amazing as the first. Eli could then feel her chest rising and falling as she pulled away and she interlocked her hands behind his neck, her entire face flaming as she let out an adorable, "Wow," accompanied by an immediate, "I love you. Don't you ever go anywhere again," which caused Eli to respond,

"I'm not ever going anywhere, don't you worry. I'm only going to treat you right from now on," he repeated.

"Let's move on now, Eli, from the past. Let's not let it haunt us anymore. The past is over, and besides…don't you get it?" Clare asked softly.

"Get what?" he asked in confusion. He then felt Clare's hand brush his bangs aside as she burrowed deeper into his embrace and softly breathed,

"You're _perfect_, Eli. Just the way you are. You're perfect," before she leaned in to place another gentle kiss on his lips.


End file.
